


Meteor

by TheArtificialDane, veronicasanders



Series: Galactica [7]
Category: Real Housewives RPF, RuPaul's Drag Race RPF, The Devil Wears Prada (2006)
Genre: Angst, Breaking Up & Making Up, Eventual Smut, F/F, Fluff and Smut, Lesbian AU, Post-Break Up
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-30
Updated: 2019-05-21
Packaged: 2019-09-02 16:14:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 35,594
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16790362
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheArtificialDane/pseuds/TheArtificialDane, https://archiveofourown.org/users/veronicasanders/pseuds/veronicasanders
Summary: Hey guys! @theartificialdane and I are thrilled to bring you this Bitney-focused Galactica sequel. For those of you that have not read all 250+ chapters of Galactica (lol, omg, can you believe that?!), there's some background in the notes just so that you’re caught up (after the jump). For those of you that HAVE, we are picking up with Courtney in Miami 2 days after the wedding.





	1. Miami. January.

**Author's Note:**

> Back story: In this AU, Bianca is the Editor in Chief of Marie-Claire magazine, with a thing for young blondes, and Courtney is a brand new pop star just beginning to achieve a little success, and cast member of Real Housewives of New York. (Go with us here. Haha.) They’ve been having a rocky time lately, since Courtney is starting to feel like Bianca doesn’t respect her as an equal partner. (She’s not wrong.) The last time we saw Bitney, they had a big fight, and Courtney left for a Miami trip with the Housewives after telling Bianca that she needs “space” for a couple of days to clear her head.  
> Other background: Adore is Courtney’s best friend and Bianca’s baby sister. She’s in a trouple with Jinkx (a Broadway star and super wealthy heiress) and Alaska (a makeup executive at Miss Fame’s company).   
> Miss Fame runs a fashion empire called ‘Galactica’ and Courtney used to be her (incompetent) assisatant. She quit last year to be with Bianca, one of Fame’s best friends. They (Fame/Bianca) also have a bit of romantic history which makes Courtney jealous.

Courtney looked around the Triple A arena, still in utter shock at the size of the crowd, waving and bowing after her second encore, body aching and drenched with sweat. By the time she got off stage for good, her face hurt from smiling so much. She barely remembered the walk to the green room, where she kicked off her heels and collapsed onto a sofa, hoping to rest for a few minutes before changing.

“Sorry I’m so boring right now,” she mumbled to Jane, her _Real Housewives_ producer, who was standing next to the camera crew.

“You’re fine, don’t worry. As you were,” Jane said, giving a rare smile.

Soon, the doors burst open, and Ramona sailed in, trailed by the others, squealing with excitement.

“That was unbelievable!” Ramona cried. Courtney could tell by her speech that she was quite a few pinot grigios in, and beckoned her over to the sofa. The other housewives continued to gush about her performance, even Bethenny. Courtney sighed happily, feeling content and proud despite the exhaustion. Then Ramona leaned over to Courtney and whispered conspiratorially, “Are you ready for a surprise?”

“What kind of surprise?” Courtney asked, hoping it was something edible that didn’t require getting up for a while.

“The kind that only people with human emotions care about,” Bethenny said, rolling her eyes and making Carole laugh.

With two cameras now trained on the green room door, Courtney turned her head to watch. A few moments later, Bianca appeared in the doorway, holding an enormous bouquet of pink roses. Courtney’s mouth opened as Ramona squealed and clapped.

“Are you surprised?!” Sonja asked excitedly. “She flew in this afternoon!”

“I’m-” Courtney took a breath, heart racing. “Yeah, I’m surprised.”

“Hi angel,” Bianca said softly. “You were incredible out there.”

“Thanks.” Courtney swallowed. She really, really didn’t want to drag her current relationship drama into the show, so she supposed that playing along with this intrusion was her best option. She bit back her annoyance - she’d explicitly told Bianca that she needed a break. A couple of days away to clear her head and reconcile how she felt after that bullshit with Farrah. But as usual, they were going to do things according to Bianca’s timeline. Not hers.

Courtney stood and walked to where Bianca stood, kissing her gently on the mouth.

“Awwww!” Dorinda cooed.

“I...I can’t believe you’re here,” Courtney admitted. That part, at least, was honest.

“I planned something special for us,” Bianca told her.

“Right now?” All Courtney wanted, at the moment, was a warm shower and a soft bed. Possibly some french fries, which she fucking deserved.

“You’re gonna love it,” Bianca said, fingers gripping her waist.

“Okay, that’s...I should probably change,” Courtney said, resigned to go along with whatever Bianca (and, she had no doubt, her producers) had in store.

“I mean, if you must,” said Bianca with a wink, eyeing her skimpy costume up and down. Which Courtney would have found cute if she wasn’t still simmering with anger and confusion.

With a weak laugh, Courtney backed up and headed for the dressing room.

***

It was truly beautiful. A private, secluded beach. Thousands of candles. A picnic basket filled with all of her favorite things. And it wasn’t like she didn’t appreciate the sentiment. It was just that, given their current state of affairs, she found it hard to enjoy everything. Adding to the stress of it all were the cameras and her physical exhaustion from the concert.

“I missed you so much,” Bianca said.

“It’s been two days,” Courtney reminded her warily.

“I know. And I haven’t slept since you left New York.”

Courtney sighed. As usual, they weren’t going to talk about her feelings. Only Bianca’s. And of course, she supposed that was her fault, since she didn’t want to get into everything on camera. She didn’t even really know exactly how she felt. Between rehearsing for the concert and dealing with the housewives, she hadn’t actually had a moment to think about her relationship, how she felt, what she wanted - any of it.

“Do you know how much I love you?” Bianca asked.

“Of course,” Courtney said. “I’m...I’m sorry about the way I left.”

“It’s okay, baby,” Bianca murmured, pulling her close. “I’m sorry too. I’m so, so sorry. I should have told you about that idiotic Farrah thing the second it happened.”

“That’s not exactly why I was upset,” Courtney said, hoping that they could talk without getting too specific. “I just…” She sighed again. She was going to lose. She could feel it.

“Please forgive me,” Bianca said, face buried in her hair. “I’m an idiot. I’m such a fucking idiot…”

“Of course I forgive you,” Courtney said, letting Bianca kiss the corners of her mouth, her jaw, her neck. She tilted her head, trying to enjoy the affection without feeling so conflicted.

“Look at me…” Bianca took her chin in her hands and looked into her eyes. “I love you...so fucking much, Courtney. I can’t stand being apart. I can’t stand hurting you. I’m so...all I want is to be with you. Forever.”

“B…” Courtney had longed to hear these words, so many times. But there was a nagging ache in her throat. A lump that she couldn’t swallow down, no matter how much she tried.

When Bianca smiled and pulled a small box out of her jacket, Courtney’s eyes nearly bugged out of her head. What was she _doing_? And why here? Why now?

“I want to spend my life with you,” Bianca said, opening the box to reveal a gigantic diamond ring.

“Is that...is that a real diamond?”

“Of course it is,” Bianca laughed.

It was a diamond so big, Courtney had to blink several times, pinching her thigh, to even believe it was real. A diamond so big that Courtney’s nagging ache turned into white-hot rage. Had Bianca heard a single thing she’d said in the last year about diamonds and murder and _slavery_? Why had her need to show off become more important than an issue Courtney had talked about over and over?

Courtney pulled back abruptly, brow furrowed. Somehow the ring was easier to focus on than the betrayal of being blindsided like this in front of TV cameras.

“So...now we’re just supporting genocide?!”

“I...what? Baby…” Bianca laughed. “I can switch out the stone. But, I’m telling you that I want to marry you.”

Courtney’s heart sped up as she went over Bianca’s words in her mind. _I want...I love...I miss, I want, I can’t stand...I want, I want, I want…_

It was always about her. Courtney felt sick.

“Please say yes,” Bianca said.

“Yes to _what_?” Courtney spit out. “You didn’t ask me a question.”

“I guess I didn’t, did I?” Bianca laughed again, still not getting it. “Courtney Act, will you-”

“ _Stop,_ ” Courtney whispered, wishing she could turn back time.

“Courtney, I’m trying to-”

“I need to get out of here,” Courtney said, and then turned to Jane, watching intently from behind one of the cameras, loudly repeating, “I need to get out of here!” When no one made a move, she began to rip off her mic pack, voice growing shrill as she exclaimed, “Now! Jane!”

“Courtney-” Bianca began, finally starting to comprehend that tonight wasn’t going according to plan.

“I can’t do this. I can’t do this right now,” Courtney knew she had about a minute, if she was lucky, before the tears started, and she wanted to be as far from the cameras as fucking possible when that happened.


	2. Miami. January.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Courtney gives Bianca an answer.

Maybe it wasn’t the most mature way to deal with the situation. But Courtney didn’t know what else to do. After being woken up at 9 am by Jane and the camera crew busting into her room, and informed that she had 30 minutes to get ready and then they were gonna film a “follow up” to last night’s fiasco with Bianca, she’d panicked.

So there she was. Locked in the bathroom, curled in a ball on the floor, while Jane banged on the door, spouting off nonsense about her contractual obligations, in between wheedling her in a baby voice to please come out, because they were all on _her_ side. Courtney struggled to breathe evenly as she picked up her phone, texting Carole, Ramona and Bethenny with shaky fingers.

_COURTNEY: Help. Please. They’re outside my bathroom door and Jane is yelling and I don’t know what to do._

_BETHENNY: On my way._

_RAMONA: Me too._

Courtney could see crew members on the balcony, trying to get cameras and mics as close as possible to the window. She opened the door to the shower stall to block the view of the GoPro. This was fucking madness.

***

Bianca paced back and forth, practically wearing a hole into the carpet, wondering what was taking so long. Courtney still hadn’t answered her texts, but when Jane had asked her to be ready at 9:30. Where was she? Why wasn’t she answering?

After the fiasco with Farrah, Bianca knew that she needed to do something big. A grand gesture, to prove just how committed she was. She was utterly confused by Courtney’s reaction. Wasn’t this the same girl who used “forever” in every conversation about their relationship? The same girl who’d talked about having kids with her, who’d fretted about Bianca’s interest waning as they got older. And now Bianca wanted to promise her forever, and she didn’t immediately say yes?

Bianca flopped down onto the bed, hands covering her eyes. What kind of crazy person sees a diamond ring and says “genocide”? Was she having a psychotic break? Bianca considered calling Adore, but then shook her head. If Courtney had talked to her sister, she had no doubt that she’d already have heard about it.

All Bianca wanted was to build a life together. She thought that what she was doing was romantic and that Courtney would finally, finally believe her love was pure. Or, as pure as Bianca Del Rio’s love could possibly get, anyway.

***

Courtney heard Bethenny and Ramona arguing with Jane about wearing their mics, and so she wiped her eyes and opened the door a crack.

“The mics are fine. Just please...no cameras,” she begged, voice breaking. Ramona immediately slipped inside, followed by Bethenny.

“What’s going on?” Ramona asked, concern all over her face. As crazy as she was, when Ramona got maternal, it was an immense comfort. Maybe the fact that she had a daughter about Courtney’s age made a difference.

Courtney took a deep breath.

“She ambushed me.”

“Who? Jane?” Bethenny asked, brow furrowed.

“No, B...Bianca.” Fresh tears poured down Courtney’s cheeks.

“What do you mean, sweetie? How did she ambush you?” Ramona asked, taking her hand and squeezing it.

“We had a fight in New York. And I was...I told her that I needed space, that I needed a break, and that we’d talk when I got back. But then...she didn’t listen, she never listens.” Courtney let out a sob as Ramona wrapped her into a hug.

“Well, fuck her,” Bethenny said. “I mean, tell her to get back to New York and you’ll deal with her on your own timeline.”

“They’re gonna make me talk to her this morning. They’re gonna make me answer.”

“Answer what?”

“She asked me...she asked me to marry her. Last night. Why would she do that now? Why would she…” Courtney’s breath hitched and Ramona and Bethenny exchanged a knowing look.

“Courtney…” Bethenny said evenly. “I’m really glad you reached out to us. Okay? Because, listen. We both know what it’s like to have someone use the show and the cameras to manipulate you. And...listen, you know I never had a problem with Bianca, but this is total bullshit.”

Ramona nodded vigorously, and Courtney looked at both of them with swollen, watery eyes.

“It felt like...like I had no choice. Like I-”

“I know. I know, okay?”

“And now Jane’s saying that if I don’t meet up with her this morning, they’re gonna sue me? Are they really...would they do that?” Courtney sniffled, feeling her chest getting tight.

“Let me ask you a question. If the cameras weren’t there, would you have said yes? Do you want to marry her?”

“Of course not! I mean, I used to, but...not now. Not until we...we have so much to work out, and instead of talking about it, she just wants to put a bow on everything, and this is what she does, she turns everything into a test of how much we love each other. But that’s not the issue! I know she loves me, but that doesn’t mean that our relationship is strong enough for...but how can I say no? It’ll ruin everything.” Courtney covered her face with her hands. “Maybe I already ruined it, I don’t...I don’t know.”

“Alright...okay.” Bethenny stood up, taking a deep breath. “Here’s what you’re gonna do. You’re gonna take your sweet ass time getting ready. We can stay with you. And then you’re gonna go see Bianca, and you’re going to tell her no. In no uncertain terms.”

“Oh god,” Courtney groaned, as Ramona rubbed her back.

“Listen to me, Courtney. You used the right word when you said that she ambushed you. Okay? This was a tactic, to manipulate you, to make you feel like you have to be the perfect little wife, like your anger needs to just evaporate. We know how you feel, and we’re not gonna let them do this to you. Fuck her for putting you in this position.”

Courtney nodded.

“Unless, I mean,” Ramona interjected. “I mean Bethenny, they are really in love. Maybe she wants to see what Bianca says first.”

“Okay,” Bethenny rolled her eyes. “Courtney, what could she say that would make you want to say yes today?”

“I...nothing. I told her that I needed space, and she didn’t listen, so now...no, I don’t. I don’t want this. I don’t want to feel so...trapped.”

Bethenny tossed her hair, one hand on her hip. “See, Ramona?”

"But that doesn't mean it's going to be easy..."

Ramona nodded, saying, “I’m sorry, Court. I’m really sorry.” She stroked Courtney’s hair.

Courtney rested a head on her shoulder, eyes falling closed.

“Today’s really gonna suck…”

***

Courtney was already regretting agreeing to this elaborate ruse and it hadn’t even begun. Nevertheless, she took a deep breath and knocked on Bianca’s door as instructed, pretending that this horrible conversation was her own idea, and that there wasn’t already a whole crew inside who’d be recording her every move.

The door opened almost immediately, swinging open to reveal Bianca, with an uncharacteristically hopeful expression. Hair down, soft makeup...clearly meant to show Courtney that she was trying.

“Hey. Good morning.”

Courtney nodded, biting her lip. At first, Bianca didn’t move, assuming that Courtney would hug her or kiss her. When she didn’t, and instead stood awkwardly in the doorway, Bianca took the hint and stepped aside, allowing her to pass.

“Um, how are you feeling? Any better?”

Courtney sighed. So that’s how they were going to spin it? That she was simply not feeling well the night before? Courtney was too tired to argue.

“Yeah, better. Thanks.”

“That’s great.”

Courtney took a deep breath. _Rip off the bandaid. Rip off the bandaid._

“I don’t want to get married.”

Bianca swallowed, nodding.

“Okay...”

“I mean, not yet. I’m 22.” Courtney suddenly felt guilty. She knew how much Bianca loved her, and this wasn’t going to be as simple as Bethenny made it sound.

“Don’t forget, it’s your birthday next month.” Bianca flashed her a soft smile, reaching out to touch her hand.

“I’m being serious.”

“I know you are. Sorry, I’m...we don’t have to get married. Okay?” Bianca brushed a lock of hair from her eyes. “I thought that’s what _you_ wanted.”

“It was. I mean...I don’t know. But right now, it doesn’t...feel right.” Tears pricked at Courtney’s eyes.

“Okay. I just…” Bianca moved closer to her on the bed. “I knew you were angry, and hurt, and I hated to think about that. I really just wanted to make you happy. To show you how much I love you.”

Courtney looked up, into her eyes, realizing maybe for the first time exactly how truly horrible this was all going to be. She knew that secretly, Bianca had one of the softest, mushiest hearts of anyone she’d ever met. That was clear, had been clear to Courtney from the first day she saw the way she cared for Adore. The way she loved her friends with fierce loyalty, would do anything to make them happy. But it just wasn’t enough.

“I know you love me. I love you too. That’s not the problem, but there are problems, B. I think I really just need to be alone,” Courtney said, breath hitching on the last word.

“Fine, that’s...you know, I probably shouldn’t have come. I’ll go, and you can do your thing, and if you still need some space when you get to New York, I’ll book you a room somewhere so you can-”

“No, I don’t mean...I know that before I left, I said that I needed a few days, but I don’t think that’s gonna work anymore.”

“Okay?” Bianca’s brow furrowed. “So like, how much time are we talking about?”

Courtney looked away, trying desperately to hold it together. Her heart raced like never before, hands gripping her skirt tightly. When she turned back to Bianca, the tears collecting in her eyes had begun to spill down her cheeks.

“B, I’ve...I’ve spent my whole life thinking that I need someone to be my ‘other half.’ But...that’s not ever going to make me happy. I need to be my own other half. I need to be whole, before I can ever really find happiness with someone else. And that’s not going to happen with you.”

“Wait a second.” Bianca shook her head. “Baby, it sounds like you’re-”

“I can’t marry you. I can’t be with you. I need...I need to figure things out by myself. Without worrying all the time about how you’re gonna…”

As Courtney watched the realization dawn on Bianca’s face, her heart felt like it was shattering into a million pieces. She gulped for breath, tears now streaking down her face faster.

“I’m so sorry, B,” she whispered, lowering her head.

Bianca Del Rio wasn’t often speechless. But in that moment, everything seemed to be moving in slow motion. It was like an out of body experience. She could see it all happening, but she was powerless to stop it.

“Baby…” she began, then stopped as Courtney visibly cringed.

“I’m sorry,” Courtney repeated, “I’m sorry, I just-” She shook her head, jumping up and racing for the door, leaving Bianca reeling in her wake.

What the _fuck_ just happened?!


	3. New York. January.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adore's loyalty is tested.

Adore answered the phone with a chipper, “So, is my sister out of the doghouse yet?”

There was silence on the other end, and then Adore heard a sob, followed by a sharp intake of breath.

“Court? What’s the matter, boo?”

“I think we broke up,” Courtney said.

“Wait, _what_ _?_ ”

“I’m at the airport. I don’t...can I please come over? I’m sorry, I just-”

“Yes! Of course. I’m home alone. Come over.”

***

Adore jumped up from the couch at the sound of the elevator doors, rushing to greet her best friend, who looked more distraught and fragile than she’d ever seen her. Courtney fell into her arms, sobbing, and all Adore could do was hold her. She still didn’t really know exactly what happened. Only that there was a fight in New York, and then, Adore supposed, a worse fight in Florida, and now here she was.

Bianca wasn’t answering Adore’s calls, and according to her doorman, she wasn’t home yet, and so even though she wanted to be there for her best friend, part of her was also worried about her sister. She knew that Bianca generally excelled in every area of life, but relationships? Not her strength.

“Shhhh…” Adore whispered, leading Courtney over to the living room so that they could sit down.

“I’m sorry. I know I shouldn’t be putting you in the middle, I know it’s selfish, and-I just don’t know where else to go,” Courtney cried, clutching Kylie in her arms.

“You’re not putting me in the middle,” Adore said. “I’m your best friend. I’m glad you’re here.”

“Thank you,” Courtney whispered, burying her face in Adore’s neck.

By the time Alaska got home, Adore had gotten most of the story, although she was still a little confused about some of it. Alaska walked over to the couch and put her arms around Courtney, letting the younger girl lean back against her.

“Do you still have your old apartment, Lasky?” Courtney asked.

“No, sweetie, I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, I thought I’d ask, ‘cause I need to find a place and I don’t really know where to start.”

Alaska rubbed her shoulders as Adore’s brow furrowed.

“An apartment? I mean Courtney, I get that it’s bad right now, but are you sure it’s really, truly over? I know she loves you.”

Courtney sighed. “I love her too. But that’s not the point. We’re just...we’re not working anymore. And, I need to be a grownup about it.”

“We get it, hon,” soothed Alaska.

But Adore didn’t get it, exactly. She supposed it would all make more sense once she talked to Bianca. Where _was_ Bianca?

***

Adore pushed open Bianca’s door, wine carrier in hand.

“Bianca?” Adore called. “I know you’re home, bitch. Joslyn said you’re back at work and Carson-”

Bianca emerged from the kitchen, a cross look on her face, and folded her arms.

“Yeah, I’m here. What’s your point?”

“Well…” Adore faltered. “Are you okay?”

Bianca turned on her heel, disgusted, and stalked off down the hall. Adore followed.

“B, wait! Listen, I just wanted to check and see if you were-”

Bianca turned around, eyes blazing.

“What the fuck do you want from me, Adore? You want me to cry and ask for a fucking hug?”

“Do you _need_ a hug?” Adore asked softly.

Bianca groaned and turned again, attempting to slam the door in Adore’s face, but Adore stood firm, holding it open.

“Fine, whatever. No hug. I’ll just get the stuff Courtney asked me to pick up, and get out. Okay?”

Bianca sat down on her bed, watching Adore with a solemn expression as she pulled a suitcase out of the closet (fortunately, the pink glittery stars and rainbows told her easily which luggage was her friend’s) and began to pack it. She tried to go quickly, consulting the list in her hand. After a few minutes, she looked up at Bianca, daring to make eye contact.

Adore paused, letting the shoes in her hand tumble to the ground. The expression on Bianca’s face was one she’d never seen before. She looked _broken_.

“That’s so much stuff. It was just a fight. Don’t you...think it’s too much stuff?” Bianca asked, voice barely above a whisper.

Adore moved over to the bed, sitting down beside her.

“I...don’t think that’s how she sees it, B.” Adore felt utterly awful. Courtney said they “broke up.” Bianca seemed to not have gotten the memo. The whole situation was beyond fucked.

Bianca nodded, biting her lip and avoiding eye contact. After a few moments, she simply whispered, “ _Fuck_.”

Adore reached over and pulled her in for a hug, holding on tight despite Bianca’s first instinct to pull away. Once Bianca realized that there was no escape, she unclenched her fists and hugged Adore back, finally giving into the comfort she so desperately craved.

“No…” Bianca said, voice muffled in Adore’s head.

Adore pulled back, brow furrowed. “What?”

“No, not it’s not...this isn’t it. It can’t end this way.” Bianca wiped her eyes and stood up.

“B…”

“It’s fine, just like, take whatever she wants and...it’ll be fine.” Bianca smiled, a terrifying smile, denial making her eyes almost manic, and all Adore could do was nod.

***

“Are you sure she’s at work?” Courtney asked, hesitating by the door.

“No, she’s sitting at the dining room table. We’re plotting to destroy your life,” Adore said.

“That’s not funny.” It felt so weird to be at what used to be her home. And now...now it only felt like what it had always been. Bianca’s. “It feels like I’m breaking and entering.”

Adore rolled her eyes, pushing a luggage cart full of empty boxes into Bianca’s apartment, Alaska following behind, the women volunteering to help Courtney move the rest of her things.

Alaska put an arm around Courtney’s shoulders and murmured, “You can do this, okay?”

Courtney gave her a grateful smile and then nodded, following Adore tentatively down the hall to gather as much as she could from the smoking crater of her former life.

***

It was utterly overwhelming, and Courtney had no idea where to start.

“What’s wrong?” Adore asked, as Courtney stood in the closet, a glazed expression on her face, holding a pair of sparkly Louboutins.

“I just...maybe I shouldn’t take...everything.” Courtney rubbed her eyes with the back of her hand. “I don’t want her to think that I was, like, using her. You know?” It felt terrible to be surrounded by all the physical evidence of Bianca’s love, all the gifts she had given Courtney, all the things she used to think were enough from the woman she thought she’d spend the rest of her life with.

Adore sighed. Courtney really had no idea what her sister was going through. How she still thought they’d work it out, refused to accept that the breakup was real. Leaving stuff here would only make that worse.

“Don’t you think it would be worse for her to come home and see it still here? Kind of a fucking mixed message to leave clothes in her closet, isn’t it? Are you _trying_ to fuck with her head?”

“No, of course not! I just, I just don’t want her to feel-”

“Well you know what, Courtney, she’s gonna feel what she feels, and you can’t really do anything about that! You think that seeing some dresses gone from a closet is gonna make her feel worse than being abandoned?”

Alaska froze, the scene in front of her quickly turning into a trainwreck, her hands filled with thongs from Courtney’s underwear drawer.

“Adore, I just-” Courtney felt the tears returning. The tears that seemed to never end.

“No, it’s like, you know, you have all the fucking power here. So either get back together with her, or don’t, but stop pretending that you feel guilty, it’s annoying.”

“I’m not _pretending_ , what are you talking about?!” Courtney cried.

“Okay, can we all just take a breath?” Alaska suggested. “Maybe we need some coffee, or how about lunch?”

Adore crossed her arms.

“We’re supposed to be helping,” Alaska reminded her girlfriend, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear.

“I _am_ helping, I made all the boxes,” Adore said testily. “I’m just wondering what Bianca is supposed to do with this shit if we don’t take it. It’s not like her next trick is gonna want a rainbow butterfly. Who else besides you even likes this?” Adore gestured to a pile of jewelry and clutch bags on the bed.

Courtney covered her face with her hands as Alaska guided Adore out of the room by the shoulders.

“Thanks for making the boxes, now it’s time for you to take a break.”

“Lasky, I’m just saying-”

“I know, and you need some fresh air. Go grab a slice and sit in the park for awhile.”

“It’s fucking snowing.”

“ _Go._ ”

“Ugh!” Adore spun on her heel and headed for the door.

Alaska turned back to Courtney, who was still standing in the closet, tears running down her cheeks.

“Does she...does she think this is _easy_ for me?”

“Of course not.” Alaska walked over to Courtney, taking her hand. “That’s her sister. Okay? And she doesn’t like seeing her sister be...I don’t know, fallible, in any way. So she’s just not gonna be impartial.”

“Maybe I shouldn’t have asked her to come. I just...I thought that she understood, but-”

“She will. She might not, like, right this second, but that’s okay. She loves you, and I promise that it’ll be okay.”

Courtney nodded, sniffling.

“So...we taking this stuff, or…?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I think she’s right. It’s probably better if it’s all gone when she gets home.”

Alaska nodded and picked up a new box, tossing a sympathetic look over her shoulder.


	4. New York. January.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter, Bianca’s friends do their best to cheer her up, and Courtney takes the first step towards building a life of her own.

“Are we boring you?”

Bianca looked up and saw Fame looking at her, a smile on her lips, the blonde clearly poking her to get a reaction.

“I think we are.” Raja said, finding the whole thing hilarious.

Fame, Raja and Juju had dragged her out of the house for lunch at her favorite Italian restaurant, a cozy place less than a block from her apartment. It was impossible to say no, though Bianca had tried, a lot. All of her excuses (she was too busy, the weather was shit, she just plain wasn’t in the mood to socialize) had failed and so here she was. She looked away from Fame, trying not to think about the last time she’d been there, cuddled up in a corner booth with Courtney, flickering candles making her green eyes dance.

“Poor B,” Juju added, adjusting the collar on Grace’s sweater, the little girl on her mother’s lap.

“Shut up, cunts,” Bianca finally said, pushing her plate away. The lasagne Fame had ordered for her was usually her favorite, but lately everything she put in her mouth tasted like sawdust and glue.

“B…” Fame reached for her hand. “You don’t have to talk about it, but… If you want to, then we’re here.”

“So we’re being sincere now?” Bianca sighed. “I didn’t really think that was our style.”

“We won’t even say ‘we told you so.’ Oh wait, oops,” Raja chuckled.

“Raja!” Fame shot her a death glare, and Raja rolled her eyes.

“Good one.” Bianca downed half a glass of wine, pulling her hand out of Fame’s grip. “Really, really funny.”

“She’s just teasing,” Fame said. “We love you. You know we love you.”

“Yeah. I should, uh...I should get out of here,” Bianca began to get up, but Fame pulled her back down.

“Please stay, Bianca. You need...I don’t know, but whatever it is, you’re not gonna find it alone in your apartment.”

“Well, I know what I need.” Bianca turned her head to stare out the window. The day was as dreary and gray as it could get. “But I don’t think I’m getting it tonight, so…”

“So stay,” Juju insisted.

“Besides, one meal isn’t gonna kill you,” Raja said, refilling her wine glass.

Bianca nodded.

“You know, B, if you’re really having trouble...maybe you could talk to someone…like...a professional...” Fame hesitated. She was pretty sure she knew how Bianca would react to this suggestion, and braced herself.

Bianca scoffed. “I don’t need a therapist, Fame. What I need, is for Courtney to come to her senses and move back home.”

Raja and Fame exchanged a look, and then Raja, in an uncharacteristically gentle voice, asked, “Do you...really think she’s coming back?”

“Of course she’s coming back!” Bianca burst out, then lowered her voice. “Of course she’s coming back. We...we had a fight. But we still love each other. She’ll come back.”

Raja just nodded. She didn’t think that now was the time to inform Bianca that Courtney had signed a lease on an apartment in Chelsea. Raven had seen her at the housewives wrap party, and apparently Courtney was all smiles, telling her all about the fantastic view and asking for decorator recommendations.

“Okay, well...until then...we’re here for you.”

Bianca sighed.

“I really can’t handle it when you’re nice, Raj. It makes me feel like I’m dying.”

Juju laughed, squeezing Bianca on the arm.

“Come on, Raja, call her a cunt and tell her to suck it up,” she said. “Or you’ll just make it worse.”

“Exactly,” Bianca agreed with a dry chuckle.

***

“Adore?” Courtney asked softly, standing in the doorway of her friend’s bedroom.

Adore looked up from her guitar. “Yeah?”

“Um...I’m taking off.”

“Good luck.”

Courtney bit her lip, holding Kylie tighter. She hated this tension between them, wished more than anything that things could go back to how they were before.

“Thanks for letting me crash here,” she said.

“Yeah, no worries.” Adore picked up a notebook and scribbled something down.

“Maybe we can have lunch in a few days?” Courtney asked.

“Yeah, maybe.”

Courtney took a deep breath.

“Um...goodbye.”

“Bye.” Adore turned away, strumming her guitar lightly, as Courtney stepped back, shutting the door, trying to compose herself before going downstairs to thank Jinkx and Alaska.

***

Jinkx sat at her desk, listening to Bianca list off 34765798 ideas for the foundation’s upcoming fundraiser. It was generally the biggest one of the year, and so when Bianca volunteered to help, she was thrilled, but this was turning into more than she’s anticipated. Bianca was talking a mile a minute, gesturing wildly, a manic gleam in her eye, and if Jinkx didn’t know her as well as she did, she’d think she was on drugs.

“...and you’re really shooting yourself in the foot by not having a black tie event. Think about your family, your connections. All those rich douchebags you know. You’d kill it. So I was thinking-”

“Right, but Bianca, those black tie events cost so much, and I’d rather than the money we raise goes to the kids. That’s why we-”

“It takes money to make money, Red,” Bianca countered, winking. “If you’re dead set on having the kids’ performances be a big feature-”

“Yes. Of course. That’s the main-”

“Then why not have a bigger venue? Why a black box? Seems like a fucking waste of-”

“Because all our productions are in the black box, it’s where-”

“Also,” Bianca continued, not bothering to listen to what Jinkx had to say, “Don’t you think that using the kids as catering staff is a little...child labor-y? I mean, why not bring in some celebrity chefs?”

“We’re not ‘using them as catering staff!’ We’re letting the ones in the culinary arts classes, the senior students who are all over 14, design the menu. The caterers follow their recipes and the kids who want get to work with them to learn more about-”

“Seems weird. I dunno. Using underprivileged kids as the help.”

“We’re not-” Jinkx took a deep breath. “Okay, so...thank you. For all of your...uh, enthusiasm.”

“I have loads more ideas,” Bianca said, flipping pages in a notebook.

“Right, and that’s amazing. Maybe you could email them to me?”

“Do you need me to come to the next board meeting? I could present a few concepts for spring black tie events. Oh! And we should do something in the Hamptons this summer. Really get that old money.”

“Yeah, maybe...maybe you could come to the board meeting. But I think I should review the ideas first. I get what you’re saying about a more formal gala, and I’m willing to-”

“Awesome! I’m sending you my notes. We should talk more after you’ve gone through it. And-”

“But Bianca...are you...can you switch into like, listening mode for a minute?” Jinkx asked slowly.

“Why are you talking to me like I’m a slow 8-year-old?”

“I’m just...concerned. I mean, Adore said that you’ve been depressed, but you seem…um...”

“Fine? Productive? Brilliant as always?” Bianca narrowed her eyes, daring Jinkx to say something negative.

“I was going to say ‘manic as fuck,’ actually.”

“Jinkx, look at me. I’m totally...things are good.”

“And this sudden burst of energy to help the children? Where’s that coming from?”

“I don’t know. I just had a bunch of ideas and I thought you’d be happy to use them. I mean, I’m good at this shit.”

“You are. Yeah, that’s true. But...B, honestly. Are you really okay?” Jinkx' head was tilted in concern, her overwhelming empathy making Bianca feel suffocated.

“I’m fucking fine,” Bianca insisted.

“Why don’t I believe you?”

“I don’t know, maybe because your parents are assholes who neglected you and so now you have trust issues?” Bianca grinned charmingly.

“Touché.” Jinkx chuckled under her breath.

“I’m fine. I...look, Adore was right. I _was_ depressed. But now...I just feel like things are gonna work out.”

“Well, that’s...great.”

“Yeah, exactly. So get off my fucking case,” Bianca laughed.

Jinkx tilted her head and smiled.

“You know that the concern is out of love, right? I mean, Courtney’s already moved into her new place, and-”

“Jinkx. Red. Baby. Of course she did. She needs to know that she can live on her own before she comes back. That’s like...basic psychology.”

“Psychology? Yeah, I think I’ve heard of that...tell me more.”

Bianca rolled her eyes. “Look, I know that you and Raja think that having 20 years of therapy qualifies you to diagnose someone else, but I am here to tell you...that’s the opposite.”

“I’m not trying to diagnose you, B. I am well aware that that would require far more advanced degrees. I’m just checking in.”

“Well, thanks. I’m fine.”

“Good.” Jinkx let out a small sigh, then added, “Wanna go to lunch now?”

“Hell yes.”

***

Courtney walked into the studio, straightening her top. She was about to sit down for her first session of Real Housewives confessionals, and she wasn’t terribly excited about it. She knew that most of the questions would likely be about Bianca, and her only hope for the day was to hold it together.

“Courtney!” Jane said, flashing her most sincere insincere smile. “You look fantastic!”

“Thanks,” Courtney said, sitting down. The production crew scurried around, adjusting lights and testing the audio levels.

“I love that hair! Are you ready for a chat?” Jane crossed her ankles and beamed at Courtney expectantly.

“Yeah, um...Could you just do me one favor?” Courtney asked.

“Sure, sweetie, what is it?”

Courtney swallowed.

“Please don’t pretend to be my friend.”

Jane pursed her lips, pausing for a second before offering a wry laugh.

“Sure. Whatever you want.”

Courtney nodded, taking a deep breath, straightening her shoulders.

“Ready whenever you are.”


	5. New York. February.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter, we see a little more of Courtney’s POV as she tries to survive on her own and attempts to repair the rift with Adore.

Courtney wanted to love her apartment. A beautiful one bedroom loft in Chelsea with huge windows, full of brand new furniture and brightly colored art on the walls. It was everything that she’d always imagined for herself, ever since she was a kid watching _Friends_ reruns with Ben and dreaming of getting out of the Brisbane suburbs.

Today was the first day in what felt like forever where she had no commitments. And it just so happened to be bright and sunny, despite the January chill. So while she sipped a cup of tea on her very own balcony, she told herself that today was the day that she would explore her new neighborhood. Today was the day when she’d fall in love with New York again.

“Maybe we can even find a dog park!” she said to Kylie, who put his paws on her shin and wagged his tail excitedly. Courtney took a deep breath. _This is your life now. Just breathe._

Thirty minutes later, she stepped out of her building onto the sidewalk, heading towards the dog park with a swing in her step, unaware of the German Shepherd prowling around the small dog area, licking his chops.

***

“Are you okay?” asked a dark-haired girl, head tilted in concern.

Courtney sniffled and wiped her eyes, looking up at her and nodding.

“Yeah, I’m-” her breath hitched and the girl sat down beside her, settling an empty carrier on the bench.

Courtney put her head down, letting the stranger pat her back. Today was supposed to be a good day. A new beginning, when she could take a step out of her misery and move forward. Instead she was sitting in the animal hospital, a nervous wreck, while Kylie got stitches from a bite. (The German Shepherd’s asshole owner apparently couldn’t read the sign about no dogs over 20 pounds allowed in the small dog area.)

“Wanna talk about it?”

Courtney looked at her, into her wide, honey-colored eyes, and bit her lip.

“Um...they said he’s gonna be good. He just...he needs some stitches. But I just feel so guilty. The way he was crying and shaking, he was so scared. And they wouldn’t let me stay with him, so...what if he thinks I abandoned him?”

“He won’t think that.”

“Thank you. I know I sound crazy, but...he’s all I have, and I just…” Courtney wiped her eyes again as tears rolled down her cheeks.

“I totally get it. Nevy is my little angel. I mean, she’s pure evil, but I would lose my mind without her.”

Courtney sniffled, nodding again, then exclaimed, “Oh god, I’m so sorry! Is she okay?”

“Yeah, she’s fine! Just some dental work. Hopefully she’s not too pissed at me.”

“Awww, poor thing,” Courtney chuckled.

“I’m Valentina, by the way.”

“Courtney.”

“Nice to meet you. I’m sorry for like, butting in, but it seemed like you could use a friend,” Valentina said.

“Thank you.” Courtney sighed, leaning her head back against the wall.

“So...I have a confession to make…” Valentina put a hand on Courtney’s arm, giving her a dazzling, beauty-queen smile.

“Okay?”

“I actually...I knew who you were, when I saw you. I hope that’s not too creepy.”

“No! That’s…” Courtney smiled a little self-consciously. She still wasn’t used to being recognized in her daily life. “That’s cool."

Valentina grinned. “I’m a musician too, and seeing a gay girl my age break into the pop scene was so…well, really inspiring.”

“Wow, thank you,” Courtney said, finding something unexpected stirring inside her a little every time Valentina smiled. “Um, what kind of music?”

“Well, I play bass, and sing a little. I just started with this really kickass new band...actually, I think you know the lead singer. Adore Delano?”

“You’re in Femslash?!” Courtney grasped Valentina’s hand excitedly. “Adore is my best friend, that’s amazing!”

“So...does that mean that you’re coming to the gig next week?” Valentina asked, lashes fluttering.

“Uhhh...I mean, I don’t know. We’re kind of having a moment right now, so...I don’t know if I should. She’s...it’s kind of a long story.”

Valentina folded her arms.

“Seems like we’ve got time,” she said, raising an eyebrow.

“Okay, well...she’s mad at me because I broke up with her sister.”

“...and?”

“That’s it. I guess it’s not that long of a story.”

Valentina laughed, pulling out her phone.

“I think you should come. Show your support,” she said, flashing another brilliant smile. “Especially now that I know you’re single.”

Courtney smiled back, suddenly feeling a whole lot better about her day. And when, ten minutes later, they brought Kylie out to her, she was flooded with gratitude. He had a few little stitches and a cone of shame. But despite being a little sleepy from the painkillers, he immediately snuggled into Courtney’s arms, nuzzling into her happily.

***

Courtney walked into the Brooklyn club where Adore would be performing, stomach full of butterflies. Breaking up with Bianca had been excruciating, living without her one of the hardest things she’d ever done...and losing her best friend in the process compounded everything. At this point, her greatest hope was a reconciliation, but she was afraid that maybe she was pushing Adore too hard, too fast. Maybe she hadn’t waited long enough. She prayed that Adore wouldn’t be mad about her showing up tonight.

Alaska was the first one to spot her, and raced over to give her a big hug.

“Hey, I’ve missed you! How’s the new place?”

“It’s good. It’s…” Courtney glanced around nervously. “Maybe we should have warned her that I was coming.”

“I thought you wanted to surprise her?”

“I did but, that might be a bad idea. I don’t know. What if she’s mad? Or-”

Alaska put a hand on Courtney’s shoulder.

“It’ll be fine, babe. I think she’ll be thrilled. Want me to go get her?”

Courtney swallowed, nodding hesitantly.

***

“Hi,” Courtney said softly. She fingered the cuffs of her sweater nervously, stomach in knots.

“Hey,” Adore replied. “How ya doing?”

Courtney swallowed, shrugging slightly. “Alright. I...I’ve really missed you,” her voice broke on the last word and she looked down.

Adore’s shoulders sagged. She knew, from the minute her friend expressed feelings for Bianca, that it would most likely come to this. She’d told herself, at the time, that she would have Courtney’s back, would protect her from getting hurt.

But then when the chips all fell, it wasn’t what Adore expected at all. _Courtney_ was the one who ended it? And Bianca was the one who was crushed and confused, a shattered mess? Besides the fact that Adore hated, _hated_ to see her big sister hurt, it was easier to blame Courtney for walking away than to admit that there were two sides.

To make matters worse, Adore had Jinkx and Alaska constantly harping on her about being a good friend, and how it’s really unfair to take sides, which of course Jinkx knew all about and had no trouble reminding her of, and how Courtney needs her right now and blah blah blah. 

Adore hated being wrong. Genetics, she supposed. And if she really thought about it, she knew that her sister would be furious at her for icing Courtney out the way she had. Bianca, after all, had been the one person to stand by Jinkx all those years ago. But more than that, she hated seeing anyone in pain - especially someone who’d been her ride or die best friend for years. So she took a step forward and wrapped her arms around Courtney, pulling her in for a hug.

“I’ve missed you too…” Adore said, and Courtney’s breath hitched as she buried her face in Adore’s neck, tears rolling down her cheeks.

“I’m...sorry,” Courtney choked out.

Adore chuckled softly, her own eyes feeling misty.

“I’m sorry too. I should have...I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s not your fault! I shouldn’t have asked you to...should never have put you in the middle. I just, you’re the closest I have to family, but that’s not...she’s your actual family.”

“Aww, fuck,” Adore murmured as the tears started falling. “Bitch, you’re my family too. You made me fucking cry.”

Courtney giggled, pulling back and wiping Adore’s face, attempting to fix her eye makeup.

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright. I still look fuckin’ cool.”

“You do.” Courtney grinned up at her. “I love you.”

“I love you too, babe.” Adore pulled her in for one more hug. “I really need to go though, the show is starting soon.”

“Go! Break a leg. I can’t wait to hear you guys!”

***

Femslash was amazing. Courtney had always loved watching Adore perform, and it wasn’t that she didn’t like her old band, but this group was electric. They were fun and angry and exuberant and passionate and silly all at the same time. Their set was only 30 minutes, opening for the featured act that night, but they had the crowd so pumped that they ended up doing 2 encores.

After the club manager invited them back as a headlining act, Courtney bought everyone a round of drinks to celebrate.

Courtney was so blissfully happy to be back in her bestie’s good graces that she missed Valentina’s obvious flirting from across the booth. When Trinity and Nina got up to dance, Valentina took the opportunity to move in beside her.

“How’s your baby doing?” she asked, a hand sliding up Courtney’s thigh.

“So much better!” Courtney exclaimed, sighing. “He’s finally back to his frisky little personality.”

“Like mother like son, eh?” Valentina winked.

Courtney giggled, tilting her head coyly.

“Well...possibly.”

Adore raised an eyebrow at them and nudged Courtney in the ribs.

“Are you seriously going to fuck _another_ of my bass players?”

“Adore!” Courtney exclaimed.

Valentina laughed and added, “God willing!”

“Oh my god,” Courtney said, cheeks getting flushed.

“I’m gonna go grab another round. Anyone want anything?” Valentina asked, still grinning with that gleaming Miss America smile.

Adore held up her nearly empty beer bottle and Courtney shook her head. When Valentina was safely out of hearing distance, Courtney turned to Adore, cheeks still pink.

“I wasn’t planning to fuck her, by the way.”

“Why not?” Adore asked, one eyebrow raised suggestively. 

“Well...because...I’m still...I don’t...shut up!” Courtney stammered.

Adore laughed.

“I’m sorry for teasing you. It just seemed like you like her. Do you?”

“I...don’t know. Maybe? But...I mean, flirting is one thing. But I just don’t think I’m ready to...shit, sorry.” She wiped the corner of her eye, brushing away a tear that was forming.

“Aww, bunny, I’m sorry. Come here.” Adore put an arm around her, kissing her temple and letting her snuggle in close. “It would be okay to have some fun, you know. You are single.”

“It just feels too soon...isn’t it too soon? Has B-” Courtney stopped abruptly, covering her face. “Forget I said that. Fuck.”

“It’s not about her, you know-”

“Everything’s about her,” Courtney admitted, tears now spilling freely down her cheeks. “Everything, and I can’t…”

Adore held her closer, the realization of how much Courtney must have been suffering in this past month hitting her like a freight train.

“It’s gonna be okay,” Adore soothed. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Valentina returning to the table and waved her away. Valentina complied, leaving the drinks and heading to the dance floor with a scowl. “I promise it’ll be okay.”

Courtney sniffled and took a shaky breath.

“And hey,” Adore added with a smirk, “Maybe the next girl you flirt with won’t look exactly like my sister.”

“She does _not!_ ” Courtney cried indignantly, and Adore laughed, chucking her on the chin.

“Whatever you say, boo. So...Alaska tells me that you’ve got some cool shit coming up. Like TV or something?”

“Yeah,” Courtney said, wiping her eyes. “I’m going to LA next week for a bunch of meetings. So, who knows?”

“That’s awesome!”

“I’m kind of freaked out about it, to be honest. I just like...I don’t have any idea what I’m doing.”

Adore hugged her tight.

“Well, I’ll be right here, cheering you on,” Adore said into her hair. “And I’m sorry for-“

“It’s all in the past. Let’s just move on.”

“Okay, boo.”


	6. Los Angeles / Paris. February.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter, Courtney tries her luck in LA, and Bianca seeks comfort with an old friend in Paris.

Courtney felt exhausted. Latrice had been shuffling her around LA all week: agents, directors, studio executives. She’d smiled and nodded and flirted her way through meeting after meeting.

Going in, she nearly killed herself researching everyone she would be seeing. Getting familiar with their work, their resume, their other clients, their personal style. Writing down relevant questions and planning out exactly how she’d pitch herself. It was actually a decent distraction from how lonely and isolated she felt. But then she realized pretty quickly that no one was particularly interested in what she had to say.

The upside was that she’d absolutely perfected a kind of wide-eyed head tilt that seemed to go over big, if Latrice’s approving nod after the last few meetings was any indication.

And now, she sat in the back of the town car, getting ready to step out onto the red carpet for a movie premiere, some film by a hotshot young director that she’d met with two days ago. All she remembered from the meeting was how uncomfortable she felt every time he touched her while he spoke, fingers lingering too long on her wrist, her shoulder, eventually her thigh.

Courtney shuddered and gazed out the window, stomach tightening at the sight of the press. It was going to be her first red carpet alone. The first time she’d face those cameras since the break-up. She couldn’t help remembering the way Bianca always made her feel so safe, guiding her through with a hand on her lower back, her presence grounding and steadfast.

Everywhere she went, everything she did, she was faced with reminders of what she’d lost. Even though she was sure...well, pretty sure...that the break-up had been the right thing to do, she sometimes missed Bianca more than she could bear. Today was one of those days. When all she wanted was to dive back into safe and familiar arms. To bask in her warmth, her humor, face buried in her hair, breathing her in.

The driver opened the door and suddenly there was no more time for fretting. Swallowing hard, Courtney swung a leg out of the car, closing her eyes for one more second before getting out, plastering a smile on her face and waving, posing.

A familiar voice caught her attention, exclaiming, “Courtney! Courtney!”

She turned and immediately recognized Shea, a reporter from Paper magazine who’d interviewed her last year when her first single came out. She heaved a sigh of relief and approached her, forced smile melting into a genuine grin.

“Hi!”

“Hey! How are you enjoying LA?” Shea asked, elbowing a mildly aggressive photographer out of the way.

“It’s been...um...great. I really like the weather?” Courtney answered a little sheepishly.

“Wow. Deep.”

Courtney cringed, cheeks reddening. “I’m sorry. This is the first time all week someone’s asked me a question and actually listened to the answer.”

Shea giggled.

“Well, get used to it, girl. There’s a whole mess of people here about to ask you lots of questions. Wanna try again?”

“Omigod, a second take? Are you always this generous?” Courtney asked.

“You have no idea,” Shea winked.

“Hmm...well...LA is beautiful. But to be honest, the sight of your face is the best thing all week,” she confessed, then realized how crazy she must have sounded and backtracked a little, stammering, “I mean, you know. A familiar face.”

“Wow. Then I better make sure to show my face to you again. You know, to make sure you get a good west coast experience.”

“Careful, Shea. I might hold you to that.” Courtney said, grinning.

“Courtney!” Latrice shouted, gesturing for her to move along.

“Shit. Mom’s calling.”

Shea laughed. “Alright, I’ll let you go. You look amazing, by the way...”

“Thank you.”

“...And to think, I knew you back when you were a humble little Britney Spears impersonator.”

Courtney put a hand on her hip, eyes narrowed, and Shea began to laugh even harder.

“I’m kidding, I’m kidding,” Shea said, “But honestly, you’re killing it. Take a deep breath and make sure to say hi to my friend Ongina - see the girl over there with a fascinator? She’s with Teen Vogue and she’s a great person to know.”

“I really appreciate the help, Shea. Thank you.”

With one last air kiss, Courtney moved on down the press line, a surge of new confidence propelling her forward. 

***

_COURTNEY: Thanks again for helping me out tonight. I felt a million times better after I spoke to you._

_SHEA: Yeah? Well, there’s a party at my friend Katie’s house later tonight. You’re welcome to join. If you want to be around people who listen to each other._

_COURTNEY: IN_

***

“Wake up.”

“... Bianca?” Fame sat up, confused, pushing her sleep mask up and blinking at Bianca, who hovered above her with a bottle of wine in her hand.

“Move over.”

Fame moved, letting Bianca crawl into the hotel bed beside her.

“Bianca what’s-”

“You look like shit, blondie.” Bianca picked at one of Fame’s curlers. “No wonder Patrick didn’t wanna come this year.”  
  
"... How did you get in here?" Fame asked, mind still a bit sleep-addled. Not even properly registering Bianca’s shade at her husband.   
  
"The concierge is an idiot."

“Okay...” Fame laid back down, yawning. “And I assume that there’s a reason for you waking me up in the middle of the-”

“It was Courtney’s birthday today.”

“Oh... Oh no.” Fame suddenly felt a little guilty, realizing that Bianca had probably been upset all day and she was too wrapped up in her own world to even notice. She had seemed fine at the shows, but of course, it was possible that Fame was so taken with the brilliant Parisian designs and inspiring city that she’d missed some obvious signs of distress from her friend. She felt just awful.

“And I texted her. Which I’m very aware was a terrible idea, but…”

“Did she reply?”

Bianca shook her head, taking a slug of the wine.

“Well...you know how kids are on their birthday. No time at all for their parents.” Fame fluttered her lashes.

“If I wanted to listen to a sarcastic cunt, I would have gone to Raja’s room.”

“Like anyone could fit on that bed besides Raven’s ass right now.”

Bianca snorted with laughter, cuddling up to Fame’s side.

“I did something else stupid.”

“Uh oh...” Fame began pulling bobby pins out of Bianca’s disheveled hair.

“So like...a few weeks ago, I was on Instagram and I accidentally liked one of her pictures.”

“That’s not too bad...”

“Right, but then...I panicked, and uh… And then I made a decoy account. Like, so that I could follow her.”

“Are you telling me that the great Bianca Del Rio is cyberstalking? That’s…”

“Pathetic?” Bianca covered her face.

“Interesting. It’s interesting,” Fame said, trying to be supportive.

“I just, keep thinking that she’ll sow some oats and then realize that what we had was worth fighting for, and...but I don’t know. She seems...happy.”

“Well, B, of course she does. It’s social media. It’s curated so that everyone looks happy. I mean it’s like my cousin Ana, the one with six toes, who’s like, honestly the real-life embodiment of Murphy’s Law, but even she has this Instagram feed that looks like-”

“Fame.”

“Yes?”

“You’re...doing that thing.”

“Sorry,” Fame said.

Taking one last long gulp from the wine bottle, Bianca set it down, looking at Fame with a tortured expression.

“So...you know how I always said that I just don’t do relationships? That I just didn’t want one?”

“Yes, I recall that.”

“It wasn’t a lie. I didn’t. But...I did with her. I mean, I really tried.”

“You did.”

Bianca laid her head down on Fame’s shoulder.

“Do you think…I keep telling myself that she’s gonna find her way back to me, but...on days like this, I just...I don’t know.” Bianca turned her face, and Fame ran a hand through her hair.

“B, I was there. I saw how you treated her, and...you really did do things differently. You know? I could see that. We all could.”

“But...what if it wasn’t enough?” Bianca asked, arms tight around Fame’s waist.

“Well,” Fame said softly, leaning her forehead against Bianca’s, “then she doesn’t deserve you.”

Bianca swallowed, feeling the knots in her stomach begin to unravel. Fame’s hands went to her cheeks, stroking her skin. Her eyes locked on Bianca’s and she leaned in slowly, brushing their lips together. Bianca’s eyes closed, relaxing into the kiss for a few moments before that familiar panic set in. The panic that told her not to ruin the delicate equilibrium of their relationship, that she’d nearly destroyed things multiple times before and only through sheer luck managed to fix them. She broke away, pushing Fame back by the shoulders.

“What’s wrong?”

“I just…” Bianca began, “...I don’t really think casual sex is gonna help right now.”

Fame bristled, sitting up straight, feeling it like a blow. _Casual?_ What did she mean by _casual?_ Didn’t she matter? Didn’t _they_ matter? She had been confronted with it more times than she could count, but it still hurt just as much each time as it did the first. They had never talked about it, and Fame was sure she could never make Bianca understand, but her anger about Bianca helping Courtney quit had never been about Courtney, but always about them. Fame had always believed, had always known that she was special to Bianca, at least a little more than everyone else. Bianca was softer with her, more trusting, more open. She was the one Bianca came to when she was upset, when she was happy, when she needed someone to talk to that she could trust. Bianca had betrayed that when she had told Courtney she should quit, had betrayed the trust they had in each other. The fact that Fame had always come first shattered, and this was just the last splinter in the broken glass that was them.

“Thanks,” Fame said, turning away stiffly.

“That’s not...that came out wrong,” Bianca said.

“Mmhmm,” Fame nodded, avoiding eye contact. She had no idea why Bianca always did this. Or why she herself never learned. “It doesn’t matter.”

“No, I’m sorry. I really didn’t mean that,” Bianca insisted. “I’m...look, I know that Courtney’s off...doing whatever, and that’s fine. But if we ever get another chance...I just don’t think it would be good if I’ve hooked up with you. You know she’s always been…”

“It’s okay...” Fame knew it wasn’t, but Bianca needed her right now.

“I’m really sorry though-”

_You’re not,_ was the only thing Fame could think.

“I said it’s okay,” Fame insisted.

“Don’t be mad at me...Ingeborg.”

Fame’s head snapped up at the sound of that name. The name that she’d made Bianca swear she’d never reveal to their friends.

“How _dare_ you.”

Bianca leaned in, a mocking smirk on her face, and crooned, “Ingeborg Filogonia Gutierrez Dam-Mikkelsson…”

“Oh my god, stop!” Fame shrieked, lifting a hand to slap her, which Bianca caught by the wrist, restraining her.

“Do you hate me?” Bianca asked, batting her long lashes.

“I will if you use that name again!”

“Don’t hate me, blondie, please,” Bianca pouted, and Fame groaned.

“I don’t hate you. Shut up.”

“Promise?”

“Yeah, I...I get it, okay? It’s irritating, but I understand. You’re still putting her first. It’s actually...admirable. In a way.”

Bianca placed a kiss on her forehead and then released her.

“Thank you.”

“Although I still think it would really help you to talk to a therapist. I know someone amazing, who I think you’d-”

“No.”

“But B, it couldn't possibly hurt to-”

“I said no, bitch. But maybe this brilliant new therapist can fix your marriage,” Bianca smirked.

“My marriage is doing great,” Fame said.

“Oh yeah? Seems like it.” Bianca remembered how everything had nearly gone to shit with Shannel, and though they had seemed disgustingly happy since Raja’s wedding, Fame’s continued extracurricular activities made Bianca think that there was more to the story.

“We are!” she insisted. “See, we made an agreement. This year, our only rule is...no rules. We’ll come up with rules next January. But for now…” She tossed Bianca a playful wink.

“Oh, that’ll end well,” Bianca scoffed with her signature eye roll.

“Thanks for your concern, dear. Now, how about we focus back on you...and how you’re most likely going to end up alone forever?” Fame smiled charmingly, and Bianca cackled.

“You fuckin’ bitch,” she said, sliding an arm around Fame’s waist, snuggling close to her.

***

It was well past two in the morning when Courtney finally managed to get a moment to herself, slipping from the party that showed no sign of slowing down to sit on the beach.

The week had been a whirlwind - after meeting up with Shea last weekend, she was suddenly swept into a whole new world. Every night, she’d sit through her obligatory meetings and industry obligations, then hit up Shea and her friends, accompanying them to clubs and house parties, having the time of her life. Meeting the most interesting, creative people. Last night, she’d spent an hour chatting with a writer-director team, both queer women full of stories and ideas, the kind of women that Courtney was dying to work with.

The agents, the producers...they were a seemingly necessary stepping stone. But so far, they were exactly the same as every man she’d ever met. Only interested in one thing from her. Something that she was no longer interested in giving.

But these women. These smart, ambitious, fascinating women...they were showing her a world of possibilities that she’d never imagined.

And today was her birthday. 23. The crowd was eclectic, conversation vibrant, music inspiring. She should be having a blast. Instead, she was out here in the damp sand, getting chilly as the fog began to roll in.

She pulled her phone out of her small bag, opening her text messages. There were quite a few birthday wishes from friends, family, a bunch of work-related things, but one message in particular that she found herself fixating on.

_BIANCA: Hope you’re having an amazing day. <3_

Courtney closed her eyes, swallowing back tears as she tried to center herself, to listen to the sound of the waves. Surely, she shouldn’t be going to pieces like this simply seeing Bianca’s name pop up in her notifications. Right?

She looked back at the screen once more, conflicted about whether to reply. She knew she should, but was she ready to move to this stage of their relationship? The cordial exes? Even thinking about Bianca as an “ex” caused a stabbing pain in her heart. Because she was so much more than that. But what could she say? Nothing seemed adequate. Nothing felt right.

She leaned back, fingers digging into the sand, trying to identify her feelings. Guilt? Regret? Sorrow? Desire? She wasn’t totally sure, but what she did know was that nothing productive seemed to be happening as a result of this current emotional tailspin. _Thirty seconds_ , she told herself. Thirty seconds more of this crippling self-pity and then she’d go back to the party, to dance, and flirt, and force herself to live in the present. To accept reality as it was, and find the joy where she could.

Courtney stood up, brushing the sand from her hands. She’d worry about the text tomorrow.


	7. New York. Early April.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Courtney begins to go off the rails, even in the face of a major career milestone. And Bianca takes the first step towards getting her shit together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (This chapter introduces one of my favorite characters ever, Dr. Sasha Velour, M.D., Psy.D. I hope you enjoy reading her as much as I enjoyed writing her. XO)

“Hey guys, what’s uuup?” Courtney slurred, approaching Adore and Alaska with a slight stumble. Adore laughed, catching her around the waist and she continued, “Omigod Alaska you look amaaaazing I love your hair.”

Alaska dodged her hand, reaching out to pet the crown on her head.

“Thaaanks, don’t touch.”

Adore laughed again as Courtney wrapped her arms around her shoulders and laid a head down, nuzzling against her. “Wow, someone’s hammered.”

“I’m not that hammered,” Courtney said, unconvincingly. “The drinks at this club are weak.” She stuck her straw into Adore’s mouth. “See?”

Adore took the glass out of her hands, laughing at Courtney’s shriek of “hey!”

“I need this more than you. You got a head start!” Adore insisted, as Courtney pressed a wet, noisy kiss to her cheek.

“I mean, neither of you really _neeeeds_ it,” Alaska informed them, shaking her head, wondering when Jinkx would show up. As much as she loved her current company, it always felt moderately better to have another adult in the room. Especially lately, when nights with Courtney consisted of watching her draping herself over random woman, glassy-eyed. She looked closely at Courtney’s face. It was hard to tell in the club lighting, but Alaska could swear that there was some kind of dark lipstick smeared across her mouth. She took the younger girl’s chin in her hands and said, “So who’s lipstick is that, Court?”

“I dunno,” Courtney shrugged.

“You don’t know?” Adore asked.

“I didn’t catch her name. She was nice, though. She had a...glittery face.”

Alaska raised her eyebrows at Adore, who chuckled, wrinkling her nose as Courtney licked her cheek.

“Settle down, boo.”

“Hey gorgeous, you forgot your drink!” A tall woman with honey-blonde hair approached them, handing a cocktail over.

“Yay!! More drink!” Courtney exclaimed, sipping the cocktail happily.

Adore looked closely at the newcomer. She was pretty sure this was not the glittery-faced lipstick owner. Man, Courtney was really getting around tonight.

“You guys, this is my friend...um…” Courtney trailed off.

“Kameron,” the woman supplied helpfully.

“Right, Kameron.” Courtney slung an arm around her, letting out a girlish giggle. “Thank you for my drink. It’s my favorite.”

“So...how did you guys meet?” Alaska asked.

“Uh, over there? At the bar?” Courtney said, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. “We’re gonna go dance.” She tossed back the last of her cocktail and pranced back to the dance floor, pulling Kameron by the hand, clearly unsteady in her heels. “See you laterrrr!”

“Oof. She might need an intervention,” Alaska said, and Adore rolled her eyes.

“I don’t think it’s that bad. She’s just like...doing what we did in college.”

“Speak for yourself!” Alaska exclaimed.

“Okay, well...I’m sure she’ll get bored of it soon,” Adore said. “She’s really more of a relationship girl.”

“Yeah, that’s why I’m worried.”

Adore considered this for a few moments, before shaking her head.

“Nahhhh...it’s way too early to panic,” Adore said, taking Alaska’s hand with a mischievous smirk. “Remember, Lasky...some of the best relationships started with a dance floor makeout sesh…”

“Well...I guess I can’t argue with you there,” Alaska giggled, wrapping her arms securely around Adore’s waist.

***

“...and _fix it!_ ” Bianca barked, slamming down her phone. She quickly typed out an infuriated email, her overall agitation combining with her lack of will power until she grabbed her cell and began to torture herself the same way she did every day. Re-watching Courtney’s story, packed with photos from a party the night before. Bianca’s chest tightened at one in particular, Courtney curled up in a velvet booth with a sexy, tattooed girl with a shaved head, biceps, and a knowing smirk. _This_ is what she was into now?

A gentle knock at the door shook her out of her shame spiral and she turned to shoot Joslyn a dirty look.

“ _What?!_ ”

“Um, I’m sorry. I know you’re busy. But that girl Farrah is here. I know you probably want me to send her away, but-”

“No. No, send her in,” Bianca said, eyes narrowing.

“Sure thing, one moment.”

Bianca stood up and pressed her hands onto her desk, wondering exactly how brutally she was going to destroy the little cunt. She figured that it would be more satisfying to drag it out. Really make her suffer. Her lips curled into a sadistic smile as Farrah hurried in, declining Joslyn’s offer of something to drink.

Bianca shooed Joslyn out with a quick flick of her wrist, leaning on the desk and sizing Farrah up. She looked nervous. _Good_.

“Well?” Bianca demanded, glaring at the young blonde with daggers in her eyes.

“Um...I…” Farrah hesitated.

“I assume you’re here for a reason. So spill it.” Bianca crossed her arms, waiting to start until Farrah’s cards were all out.

“I...yeah. I fired my mom. As my manager. She wasn’t...really helping me, to make good choices and...I just wanted to say that I’m sorry.”

“You’re _sorry?_ ” If Bianca wasn’t so full of anger that she could burst, she’d have laughed. What the fuck was she supposed to do with this weak, insipid apology?

“Yeah. Courtney’s reps won’t return my new manager’s calls, and um, I heard that you guys broke up, and I hope it wasn’t because of...I n-never would have actually done anything! I just...just wanted to scare you.”

Bianca’s lips were pressed together as she listened to Farrah babble like an idiot.

“I really am sorry,” she repeated, eyes big and mournful.

“Let me explain something to you…” Bianca said, her voice low and even. “When you fuck with people’s lives, you are treading in very dangerous water. I’m not about to give you all the credit for my relationship crumbling. You’re not that powerful, or that smart. But you certainly didn’t fucking help matters. And if I could, I would make sure that you never, _ever_ worked again. And if-” Bianca stopped, mid-sentence, rage filling her voice as she asked, “Are you _crying?_ Are you? Don’t you _dare_ fucking cry!” Why was the little bitch cracking this easily? Bianca was just warming up.

Farrah sniffled, wiping away the tears that had been spilling down her cheeks.

“I wanted to work with her! I didn’t...I didn’t mean to mess up-”

“Shut up. Shut up.” Bianca sat down heavily, head in her hands. When she looked back up, she saw Farrah, really saw her. A scared, confused, and not terribly bright kid whose days in entertainment were probably numbered. She wasn’t talented enough to compete with the other young blondes on a level playing field, so she’d done something incredibly stupid in a desperate attempt for continued relevance.

And of course, there was the guilt that Bianca still felt that her little scheme wasn’t terribly far fetched. She could still remember the horror, the utter disgust, on Courtney’s face when she learned the truth.

Farrah wrapped her arms around herself, head bent down, and Bianca pinched the bridge of her nose.

“Just go.”

Farrah nodded, muttering one more, “I’m really sorry,” before slipping shamefully from Bianca’s office.

Bianca closed her eyes, wishing that the coffee on her desk was wine. Or whiskey. Wishing that there was anything strong enough to make her forget. She picked up her phone and dialed, wincing.

 _“Hi!”_ came Fame’s cheerful voice. _“How’s it going?”_

“Uhhh…”

_“Uh-oh. What’s wrong?”_

“Okay, don’t fucking gloat, but...maybe you can send me the number of that therapist...”

_“Yeah. I can do that.”_

“Shut up,” Bianca sighed, hanging up, letting her head fall to the desk with a thud.

***

Courtney collapsed onto her sofa, cuddling Kylie to her chest. It seemed like her workouts lately had gotten much harder. Or, possibly, working out after drinking was what was hard. Regardless, she felt exhausted and spent.

Her body most likely needed rest. A night in, maybe a bath, some filling and nutritious food. All of the things she’d been ignoring lately. But she couldn’t risk that. Being alone with her thoughts for too long was always the first step along the path to trouble. That self-hating spiral of regret and sorrow, every cell of her body aching for a familiar touch.

It had been over three months now. She kept thinking that it would get easier, and it never did. Actually, it was getting harder - because all of the anger and indignation that fueled her decision to leave were dissipating, leaving in their wake only a wispy sense of loss. Of fear that she’d destroyed a love she might never get back. A love that she’d spent all of her life yearning for, a person who would walk through fire for her.

And in those moments, those dark moments of the deepest self-doubt, when it felt like the only possible way out of this misery was to show up at Bianca’s door, falling to her knees and begging for forgiveness...when she was most acutely aware of the cold, unfeeling universe that was out there...that’s when she hated herself the most.

What if her time with Bianca was the high point of her life? What if this foolish need to prove her independence was the absolute wrong decision?

She sniffled, not realizing under she rubbed her eyes that tears were streaming silently down her cheeks. She picked up her phone, desperate for a distraction, scrolling through her messages. All of them from were people whose names she barely knew, people she’d partied with over the last month or so.

_Hey girl. Comin out tonight?_

_*_

_Yo, what’s up babydoll?_

_*_

_Come over tonight. I’ll make it worth your while X_

_*_

_Wow, the club isn’t the same without you ;)_

_*_

_Heyyyy...u up?_

_*_

_I’m in NY for the weekend. Are you around?_

She tossed down the phone with a frustrated sigh. There was nothing wrong with any of these women. They were fun, or beautiful, or interesting, or all three. But none of them made her terribly excited. None of them gave her butterflies, made her wish for more. None of them felt _right_.

The phone began buzzing, face down on the carpet, and she lifted it, seeing with some relief that it was Latrice.

“Hi?”

_“Pack. Your. Bags!”_

“What?” Courtney chuckled weakly. “Where am I going?”

_“Back to Los Angeles, my dear. You will never guess what we’ve got lined up.”_

“Alright...then I won’t guess,” Courtney joked, too tired to play games.

_“Okay, well, to begin with, the label has booked you studio time for June and July.”_

“That’s great! But...wait, why in LA? Aren’t most of the producers I’m working with New York-based?”

_“Yeah, they are. But, uh, Disney has requested that you spend the summer in LA.”_

“I’m sorry, did you...did you say Disney?”

_“So, remember a few weeks ago where you read for that little part in Glimmer?”_

“Yeah, of course. We never heard back, right?”

_“Well...that’s because they decided to go another way for that part.”_

“Yeah, I figured.” Courtney tried to mask her disappointment. This was the first time she’d officially heard. Part of her was still hoping that she might have a chance for the little part, a glamorous countess jealous of the kingdom’s new princess. It was a fun role, and it would have been positively amazing to be part of a Disney movie. “But...then I don’t understand, why do they want me in LA?”

_“They don’t want you for the Countess. They want you for Luciana.”_

Courtney nearly dropped the phone.

“I’m-I...what?!” she sputtered, convincing herself that she was dreaming. Or had misheard.

_“You heard me. The lead. In the next fucking Disney franchise. And I haven’t even told you the best part.”_

“There’s...there’s more?” Courtney squeaked.

_“Remember that Pixar exec you met with in LA? About the voiceover work?”_

“Yeah, of course. She was one of the only women who I-”

_“She just got promoted to the head of development at Disney. And she loves you. Loves your story. So they are re-casting the knight character and doing a...little rewrite.”_

“What are they changing?” Courtney’s mind was spinning. She took a deep, shaky breath, trying not to get ahead of herself. Prepared to hear, ‘ _the knight is now the focus, and your part is cut way down,’_ or something else to burst the bubble on which she was about to float away.

_“The knight-your love interest? Is now a lovely young woman.”_

“A…?” Courtney’s heart pounded, not sure she was following.

_“That’s right, kid. You are about to be the first gay Disney princess.”_

“Oh...my...god…” was all Courtney could manage, tears pricking her eyes.

 _“I know, right? Apparently you test through the roof with the 18 and under demographic,”_ Latrice chuckled. _“And your honesty about your sexuality is a big part of that.”_

“It’s...it’s...Latrice, please tell me the truth. Is this real? Are you fucking with me? I...I can’t…”

_“It’s real, babydoll. I’m looking at the contract right now. And four tickets to the Met Gala next month.”_

“Four?!”

_“That’s right, peaches. Welcome to the big time.”_

“Oh, my…”

_“So listen, they want you in the New York office tomorrow at eleven for a little photoshoot to go along with the press release. Don’t say anything yet, this is strictly on the downlow until we have a countersigned contract and that press release goes live. I’ll call you in the morning to confirm, and be there in the car service at 10:15. Cool?”_

“Y-yeah, it’s...cool,” Courtney’s voice broke, and a sob escaped her chest.

_“You did good, honey. Take it easy tonight.”_

Courtney hung up, still in shock, breath coming out in shallow gasps. She was going to be a Disney princess. A _gay_ Disney princess. It was like her wildest dream had just come through - a dream that she’d been too scared to even admit out loud to herself before. Her heart burst with pride.

Without thinking, she opened her contacts, thrilled to report this amazing news.

_B-I-A-_

Her breath caught in her throat as she stopped typing, fingers hovering hesitantly over the keys. She wasn’t supposed to tell anyone, she remembered. She supposed that included estranged ex-girlfriends with whom she hadn’t spoken for over three months.

For a second, the sharp stab of loneliness shot through her body like a physical pain. Until she inhaled slowly, reminding herself that this should be the most exciting night of her life. She had achieved something incredible, and deserved all the joy and happiness that came with it. And importantly, she reminded herself, she’d done it on her own. With the manager that she’d found and hired. Nobody had kicked down a door for her, or given her a break because of who her girlfriend was.

So what did it matter if she felt an overwhelming desire to share the news with one person, and one person only?

Courtney collapsed backwards onto the sofa, the rollercoaster of emotions racing through her so exhausting that she soon fell into a fitful sleep.

***

Bianca sat up, tense and almost prim, on the edge of the sofa, pillow clutched in her lap. She didn’t understand why this whole situation made her so aggravated. It was just some woman who was gonna make her talk about her feelings for an hour. She already knew that it wouldn’t make any difference. She huffed slightly, looking into the striking face of Dr. Sasha Velour with vague irritation.

“Ahem...you’re gonna ask me questions, right?”

Sasha smiled.

“Yeah, I was just giving you a moment to get your bearings. First time in therapy, right?”

“Yup.”

“So,” Sasha said. “Why don’t you tell me about what brings you here?”

“Okay...well...I guess I’ve been kind of a cunt lately. More than usual. So my friends think I need anti-depressants or something. They’re assholes but they mean well. So I’m like...humoring them.”

“Alright…” Sasha made a note on her pad.

“What did you just write down?”

Sasha cocked her head. “Does it bother you that I take notes?”

“No, I just...what did you write?” she repeated.

“My notes are just to help me remember details, so that we can circle back to important themes. It helps my brain focus,” Sasha explained.

“Cool, great. So what...did you write?” Bianca persisted.

“Okay, here...take a look.” Sasha handed the pad to her, which Bianca snatched with a victorious smirk, before looking down at the scribbled note.

_DENIAL?_

Bianca narrowed her eyes.

“Oh, uhhh...fuck you,” she remarked, handing the pad back and crossing her arms.

Sasha laughed gently.

“It’s just my initial observation. I could be wrong. Am I wrong?”

Bianca’s brow furrowed. Was she wrong?

“Do you wanna take another stab at explaining why you’re here?”

Bianca scoffed a little, looking away at the shelves, lined with rows and rows of books. Books which, as far as Bianca could tell, were in no discernable order. _Production design_ , Bianca thought, rolling her eyes.

“Why are your books like that?”

“Pardon?”

“Your books. They aren’t alphabetical. By title or author. So what gives? Are they just for show?” Bianca challenged.

“They’re organized according to the groupings in the DSM,” Sasha said.

“Oh.”

Sasha folded her hands, looking at Bianca, patiently waiting for her to speak again. After a few moments, Bianca cleared her throat and looked down at her hands.

“I, uh, guess I’ve been feeling depressed. And...a little angry. I just got out of a relationship that I thought…” she trailed off, swallowing, and tried again. “I’m not good at relationships. I never have been. But, for some reason, I really thought that this one was like...that she was...it sounds so stupid to say ‘the one,’ especially when it’s all gone to shit. But...yeah.”

“So, you were invested in this relationship?” Sasha asked, placing the notepad on the table.

“This one...yeah. Yes.” Bianca looked down again. “So...what’s why I’m here.”

“I see.”

“Aren’t you gonna write that down?”

“I don’t need to. I’ll remember.” Her voice was soft. Infuriatingly empathetic.

Bianca sighed. “Fabulous.”


	8. New York. Late April/Early May.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bianca continues her work with Dr. Sasha Velour, and then attends the Met Gala, where she runs into a familiar face.

Bianca paced around the floor of Sasha’s office, waving around her phone, with one of Courtney’s recent interviews on the screen.

“...I mean would you listen to this shit?!” She read the quote in a mocking Australian accent. “ _‘Monogamy is a nice idea, but seems to me like a false, heteronormative concept sold to us by the greeting card industry’_...What the fuck is she talking about?! This was the same girl who used to wax poetic about how we’d be together _forever_. I mean, I didn’t bring up kids and marriage and any of that. She did. And now, what? What’s happening to her?”

“Well...it could be that this is the way she’s handling the pain of a public breakup...”

“So it’s bullshit? Is that what you’re saying?”

“...Well, yeah, it’s possible that she’s, um, masking some deeper insecurities-”

“Right. Bullshit. Gotcha.”

_“Or_ , it’s also possible that her opinions about love and romance and relationships are...evolving. Changing.”

“So...not bullshit?”

“Look, Bianca, she’s 23. Remember? And part of the risk in dating someone that age, a risk you took knowingly-”

Bianca let out a scoff at this, but Sasha continued.

“...is that they’re often still going through a lot of their intellectual development. Especially considering her late-discovered sexuality. It’s quite normal for her to explore all kinds of ideas.”

Bianca collapsed onto the sofa, heaving a big, put-upon sigh.

“But...it’s not really about her,” Sasha said. “Not directly, anyway.”

“Yeah. It _is_ about her,” Bianca insisted.

“Okay, well...let me ask you something. You said that she left you, right?”

“Yeah, thanks for reminding me, doc. Stellar therapizing.”

Ignoring Bianca’s snippiness, Sasha soldiered on. “Is that the first time that’s happened to you? That someone else ends a relationship while you’re still...emotionally invested?”

“Is this a fancy way of asking if I’ve ever been dumped before?”

“Essentially, yes. Have you?”

“I...don’t know. Maybe? A lot of times in the past, it was mutual. But...I guess…it’s hard to say...”

“A relationship ending against your will. I feel like you’d know if that happened.”

Bianca sighed. “Um...yeah, I guess not. I’m usually the one who...ends things. If we’re being technical about it.”

“Is it possible that part of the reason you’re feeling the way you do is that it ended on her terms, not yours?”

“Maybe.”

Sasha tilted her head, nodding. Those misty, empathetic eyes were back. Bianca looked away uncomfortably.

“When you think of Courtney, how do you feel?” she asked.

“Shitty.”

“Can you be more specific? Try this. Close your eyes…”

Bianca glared at her, irritation clearly written across her face.

“Can you humor me?” Sasha cajoled.

After a moment, Bianca closed her eyes, crossing her arms.

“Picture her face...and tell me what emotions come up for you.”

“Uh...regret.” Bianca swallowed hard. Goddamn Sasha, forcing her to feel things. She rubbed her eyes, disgusted that these cheap therapy tricks always worked, against her will. “...and maybe a little anger. And…”

“Yes?”

“Confusion.” Bianca opened her eyes. “I feel confused.”

“About?”

“I know I fucked up, with the Farrah thing. But I thought besides that, things were...good. I was happy. I thought she was too. But...I don’t get it.”

“Well, that’s understandable. Do you think...now, from what I understand, she’s still living in New York, and-”

“Jesus. You don’t follow her, do you?”

“I’m not going to answer that,” Sasha said, adding, “But, she’s a queer pop star. You should assume that everyone in the tribe follows her.”

“Cool,” Bianca muttered, wrinkling her nose.

“Anyway, my question is...and this is a real question, not rhetorical....do you think that it would help you to talk to her? To...clear up some of your confusion.”

“I dunno. Maybe. Sure.”

“If you think that it might be helpful, then you could even ask her to come here. A safe place for both of you.”

“You know, you could just pay for a meet and greet,” Bianca snapped.

“How exactly would that help your recovery?”

Bianca opened her mouth, a snarky comment on the tip of her tongue, then paused. Her shoulders sagged.

“I don’t think she’d want to do that.”

“How do you know?”

“Because she...I’ve reached out, and she ignored me. I don’t even know if she got the message. She might have me blocked.”

“It’s a small town. You’re bound to run into each other sooner or later.”

“We don’t exactly...run in the same circles.”

“Gotcha. Well, it was just a thought. Something to consider,” Sasha said. “In the meantime, it might be helpful for you to write down...the things that you’re confused about. What you would ask her if you could. What you’d like her to know...just, as an exercise.”

“Great. You know how much I love homework.”

***

“Can’t imagine why Patrick opted out this year,” Bianca remarked, posing beside Fame on the Met Gala red carpet.

Fame suppressed a giggle, tossing her hair over her shoulder and turning slightly so that the photographers could get a view of the open back of her gown.

“Some years, he just doesn’t have it in him to fake it.”

“What a pussy,” Bianca said, and Fame laughed openly, taking her by the arm and moving her along.

“He knows I’ve got you,” Fame simpered, leaning against her shoulder.

Bianca cast a sideways glance at her.

“Well, alright. But if I see some potential talent, I expect you to get lost.”

“Aye aye, captain.”

They made their way through the throngs of celebrities, exchanging obligatory greetings and banal small talk, finally getting inside the museum, where Bianca breathed a sigh of relief at the oasis of these events: the bar.

She began to make her way towards it, when she suddenly stopped dead in her tracks.

“What’s wrong?” Fame asked, waving to Raja from across the room. Fame had been beyond delighted to find that Bianca was finally somewhat returning to herself; in fact, today she’d been almost pleasant. But there was no mistaking the tension in her body at the moment, her spine growing rigid, heart pounding. Fame touched her cheek, concerned.

“I...what’s she doing here?” Bianca whispered.

Fame followed her eyes. Of course. Courtney was standing with Latrice and Vanity at a little cocktail table, a champagne glass in her hand.

“Oh…don’t you worry about that. I’m sure it has to do with her little movie.” Fame waved her hand dismissively.

“What movie?” Bianca asked, turning to Fame with a furrowed brow.

“What...you mean you didn’t see? Some stalker you are!” Fame pulled her phone from the tiny clutch in her hands, quickly searching for the article that she’d scrolled past the day before. “Here.”

Bianca scanned the article quickly.

“Holy shit…” she breathed. “This is huge.”

“I mean, is it though? It’s just Disney. It’s not like real acting.”

“Fame, come on…”

“What, I’m just saying. Trite, commercial hackery...actually, she might be perfect for Disney.”

“Fame!”

“Yes?” Fame fluttered her lashes.

“It’s a fucking big deal, okay? She’s starring in a movie. I...I should go say something, right? Like...congratulate her…shouldn’t I?”

“I mean, if you think you so...sure, darling. Go ahead.”

“But maybe she won’t want to hear from me. I…” Bianca trailed off, uncertain. She looked small and even a bit timid. Fame hated seeing her like this. Especially over Courtney Act.

“It’s really not worth agonizing over,” Fame said, putting a reassuring hand on her shoulder. What she meant was, _she’s_ not really worth agonizing over, but she decided to soften the message just a bit.

Bianca nodded.

“Okay. Yeah. Okay…I’m gonna go. I’ll catch up with you in a bit, ‘kay?”

“You don’t want me to come with you?” Fame teased, and off Bianca’s cross look, added, “I’m kidding. I see Jinkx over there. Good luck with your...little princess.” She pressed a quick kiss to Bianca’s cheek before leaving her side.

Bianca turned back to the bar, walking in Courtney’s direction. She gave Vanity a small wave, then saw her bend down to whisper something in her sister’s ear. And then the next thing Bianca knew, Courtney whirled around, a look of absolute panic on her face.

It wasn’t the first time Bianca had seen that look. She recognized it immediately. But she never, in a million years, thought that she’d be the one causing it. Goosebumps broke out on her arms, and her stomach twisted into a knot as she took the last few steps. Too late to back out now. Better to just give a quick congrats and then get out.

She cleared her throat, looking at Courtney’s shell-shocked expression with guilt and regret.

“Uh...hey. I’m sorry to interrupt. I just...wanted to congratulate you. You’re gonna be an amazing princess.” Bianca offered a tentative smile.

“Thank you,” Courtney said softly, gripping her glass so tightly that her knuckles were white.

Bianca swallowed.

“Yeah, so...um...enjoy the party.” She began to go, disappointment rising in her chest. She wasn’t sure what she expected, but it certainly wasn’t to feel like a monster because of a simple greeting.

A hand grabbed her wrist, and she turned back slowly.

Courtney’s large green eyes were misty, more mournful than anxious now.

“Don’t go. I mean...please.”

Vanity and Latrice backed away with a few mumbled excuses, scattering quickly.

“I’m sorry-” Courtney began, but then stopped, taking a shaky breath.

“What are you sorry for?” Bianca asked, voice barely above a whisper.

“For...everything. For not answering you, for…” Courtney gulped, muttering, “Shit.”

Bianca reached over to the bar, swiping a few cocktail napkins and handing them over.

Courtney sniffled, pressing one to her eyes. All Bianca wanted to do was gather her up into her arms and promise to make it better. But she knew that wasn’t her place. Not anymore.

“I wanted to call you,” Courtney confessed. “So many times. But I just...I didn’t know what to say.”

Bianca nodded, swallowing down a lump in her own throat.

“I’m sorry. I’m such a-”

“You don’t need to be sorry,” Bianca told her.

“I’ve missed you so much,” she said, eyes filling with tears again, looking down at her feet.

“Me too.” Bianca reached out to place a hand on hers, pausing to see if she’d flinch before squeezing her fingers.

As their eyes met once again, Courtney’s thumb began to stroke Bianca’s wrist, so slowly that she thought she might be imagining it.

“Listen, this...really isn’t an ideal place for deep conversations,” Bianca said.

Courtney chuckled in agreement.

“But do you...maybe want to...sit down together sometime? Like...brunch, or-”

“That sounds great.”

“Really?” Bianca asked, heart soaring when Courtney offered a tentative smile.

“Yeah. I’d like that...a lot.”

“Okay. Then, um...I’ll text you tomorrow?”

“Sure.”

Bianca allowed herself to linger for a few more moments, basking in the utter joy of reconnection, before exchanging goodbyes. Maybe there was hope after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope springs eternal! Let us know what you think...;)


	9. New York. May.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Courtney and Bianca finally sit down together and have a long overdue discussion. And more.

Bianca shifted in her seat, sipping her Bloody Mary as she waited for Courtney to arrive. She was still mildly shocked at how easily Courtney had agreed to meet, but had also been through enough disappointment to know that nothing was guaranteed.

She ran through the worst possible scenarios in her head:

_Courtney shows up, hands me a restraining order_

_Courtney shows up simply to tell me that she’s moved on, has met someone new_

_She sits down and lists every wrong thing I’ve ever done, every flaw, and then leaves_

_She doesn’t show. She thought she was over it but the sight of me makes her sick, and so she can’t even-_

Her spiraling thoughts were suddenly interrupted by a soft, “Hey.”

Bianca stood quickly, leaning in to give her a hug, but then hesitating. She settled on an air kiss and awkward pat on the shoulder before sinking back into the booth, slightly embarrassed.

“Thanks for coming.” Bianca looked Courtney up and down. She was wearing a simple spring dress covered in blue flowers. It was sweet. A little demure. Bianca couldn’t tell by looking at it what she expected today to be. Was it conservative, sending a ‘no touching’ signal...or soft and feminine because that’s what Bianca liked? She gulped. “You look nice.”

“Thank you. Thanks for...inviting…” Courtney sighed, trailing off. “I’m sorry. It just feels so strange to make dumb small talk with you.”

Bianca laughed, a little tension leaving her body.

“Yeah, tell me about it.”

“I think I need a drink,” Courtney admitted.

“We can arrange that,” Bianca grinned, flagging the waiter down. Once the drinks were ordered, they sat staring at each other for a few moments.

“So…” Courtney began.

“So...Disney.”

Courtney’s face lit up with a smile. The first genuine one Bianca had seen since before they broke up, and her heart skipped a beat.

“It’s surreal. I honestly...I keep expecting to wake up and find myself...I dunno. Back in Brisbane.” Courtney bit her lip, twisting a napkin in her hands.

“You’re gonna be incredible,” Bianca told her, eyes on Courtney’s hands, wanting to reach out and touch her, but uncertain if it was the right move. As the server set their drinks down, Bianca happily picked up her second Bloody Mary, grateful for the distraction as much as the alcohol.

“Thank you. I really...I don’t think you realize how much I care about...I don’t know. Your approval...That sounds pathetic, doesn’t it?” Courtney took a swig of her mimosa.

“Not at all,” Bianca said. “It sounds...pretty relatable, actually.”

“Really?”

“I joined the board of Jinkx’s charity. Just to...I guess it was the only thing I could think of that might make you proud of me. Or at least, think I’m not horrible.”

“I don’t think you’re horrible, B. I...think you’re the most amazing person I’ve ever known.” Her eyes were soft.

“Then why did you leave?” Bianca blurted out, catching herself, but too late.

Courtney nodded. Almost as if she was expecting this question. “Um...I was in a really shitty, dark place when we met. It was like...I was both invisible and the world’s biggest fuck-up, all at once. I hated my life, my job, myself…”

Bianca resisted the urge to chime in, to touch her, to make what she was saying about her own demons.

“I was in freefall. And...you gave me such a soft, easy place to land. But sometimes I think it would have been better if I’d let myself feel the impact. Because there was this feeling of indebtedness with you that never went away.”

Bianca’s brow furrowed. “I never asked for-”

“I know. I know you never asked for anything,” Courtney said. “But I felt it all the same. I mean, at first, it was like, I needed it - being babied and taken care of. And then you started to spoil me, and that was...I mean, it was great,” she admitted.

Bianca chuckled softly.

“But then...after awhile, it all started to weigh on me. Everything you did for me, bought for me, paid for, every intro you made. And it made me think that...we would never be equal. We could never be real partners. Because everything good in my life was because of you, so how could you possibly respect me or think that I was, I don’t know, bringing something of equal value to table? Especially when I didn’t believe it myself.” Courtney looked down.

“I didn’t know you felt that way.”

“I tried to tell you. But...it never came out right. Which is my fault, I know. It seemed like you just thought I was accusing you of not loving me enough. And that was never the issue. I knew you loved me.” Courtney reached across the table, touching Bianca's fingers lightly.

“I did,” Bianca said, adding, “I still do.”

Courtney’s breath hitched as she nodded. “Me too.”

Bianca’s throat felt dry as she asked, “So...do you think there’s any chance that we could…”

Courtney considered the question. Too long. Bianca’s skin started to itch.

“Honestly, what I really wish? Is that we could just...start over. Like, meet again and date like normal people…” Courtney chuckled softly. “But my time machine is on the fritz, so I guess that’s not a possibility.”

Bianca sat for a moment before nodding, and then getting up, still holding her drink.

“B? What are you…?”

Bianca disappeared around the corner without a word, leaving Courtney sitting in utter confusion.

After almost a minute, she appeared again, looking around the restaurant and tilting her head at Courtney, squinting slightly. She approached her, saying, “Um, hi, I’m sorry to bother you, but...you’re Courtney Act, right?”

“What?”

“I’ve seen your music videos and I’m just a really big fan…”

There was a mischievous glint in Bianca’s eyes, and Courtney found herself breaking into a smile.

“Thank you...I’m sorry, I didn’t catch _your_ name?”

“Bianca. Bianca Del Rio…” Bianca held out her hand, and Courtney took it, still grinning like an idiot as Bianca sat down.

“So, what do you do, Bianca?” Courtney tilted her head coyly, getting into the spirit of things.

“I’m an editor-in-chief for a fashion magazine...Marie Claire?”

“Oh yeah? My favorite.”

“Really? I’d have pegged you more as a Teen Vogue type.”

Courtney giggled, shaking her head at the silliness of the whole game.

“So...what else do I need to know about you? I read that you’re a vegan. Are you also into Scientology or anything crazy?”

“No, nothing like that,” Courtney said, “Although...I went to this seminar about Kabbalah last month, and it’s pretty fascinating.”

“You realize you’re about 15 years too late to that party, right? I mean, no one is into Kabbalah anymore.”

“You realize that it’s been around for like, centuries, right?” Courtney shot back.

“No, I’m pretty sure Madonna invented it in the early 2000s.”

“Right, sure,” Courtney rolled her eyes playfully, taking another sip of her mimosa.

“Listen...what do you think about maybe...going out to dinner sometime? Dutch, of course. Since I know you’re a very successful pop star...You can teach me all about Kabbalah. And whatever else you want.”

“You’re awfully forward, Bianca Del Rio.”

“Life’s short,” Bianca replied with a wink and flash of her dimples. “What do you say?”

Courtney bit her lip, hesitating. “I really want to say yes, but…”

Bianca swallowed, dropping the playful, flirty demeanor, and slid into the bench beside her.

“But what?”

“I’m just...worried that I’ll get lost. It’s so easy for me to lose myself in you, B. Because you were everything to me. And our whole life was your life - your house, your friends, your schedule. And I don’t know if I’m strong enough yet-”

“I think you are,” Bianca insisted. “And I promise, I’ll meet you in the middle.”

Courtney reached up, touching her cheek softly with the back of her fingers.

“B…” Her heart pounded, willpower dissolving as she looked into her dark eyes.

“Look...I know I’m not perfect. I know I can be...obnoxious, and inflexible. Believe me. But, I’m trying. I’m even seeing a therapist.”

“You are?!” Courtney was shocked, and extremely impressed. Maybe Bianca was talking all of this much more seriously than she’d assumed.

“Never too late to...confront my bullshit. Right?” Bianca asked wryly.

Courtney smiled. “I should probably try that, too.”

“Listen,” Bianca took a deep breath, hoping that she could communicate just how sincere she was. “I really...really think that what we have is worth fighting for.”

Courtney nodded, eyes locked with hers, abdomen tight with desire.

“God, I want to kiss you so badly…” Bianca confessed, barely audible.

Courtney cupped her face, thumbs stroking her cheeks, and leaned forward, lips meeting Bianca’s, mouth parting, tasting her slowly. The soft, slow, hesitant kiss soon deepened, fingers tightening in each other’s hair, pulses racing. When they finally broke apart, Bianca felt dizzy and relieved, hungry for more.

“Wow…” Bianca panted, “That was some first kiss. Glad we met today...”

Courtney giggled against her, clasping her hands behind her neck.

“So...can we try one date? You know, like a normal person date? Please?” Bianca asked, and Courtney nodded, a feeling of pure elation running through her.

“Yeah...let’s do it.”

***

“I’m sorry, you’re _what?_ ” Adore shrieked, not caring about the dirty looks from other patrons in the quiet lounge.

Courtney had just confessed to her about her brunch with Bianca, and how they were planning another date that weekend. She looked a little giddy, eyes sparkling happily as she nodded.

“So...are you like...back together?” Adore asked.

“Um...we haven’t really gotten that far. But I don’t know, it feels...different. Like, maybe this time it could really work.”

Adore placed a hand over her heart and sighed, then pulled her friend in for a tight hug.

“Omigod, this is so great!”

“Don’t get ahead of yourself! We’ve only been out once so far, and it was barely a date, so-”

“Right, but you’re talking again?”

Courtney smirked, glancing down at her phone. “Mmmhmmm…”

“Show me,” Adore demanded, and Courtney handed over the phone with a girlish giggle. Adore scrolled through her messages. “You little slut…”

“It’s not that bad. Just some...flirting.”

“Well...let me help,” Adore said, and before Courtney could grab the phone back, typed out a quick message.

_COURTNEY: IM AT BLAKES I WANT U 2 CUM FUCK ME RITE NOWWW_

“Adore! Stop!” Courtney wrestled the phone out of her hands, reading the message in horror. “You realize that you just texted ‘come fuck me’ to your sister, right?”

“Ehh, don’t get all technical on me,” Adore said. “Are you trying to say that you don’t want to fuck her?”

“That is...neither here nor there,” Courtney answered, and Adore laughed.

“See?”

“Hold that thought…” Courtney said, going back to her phone to undo the damage.

_COURTNEY: OMG I’m so sorry that was Adore stealing my phone._

_BIANCA: Kinda figured since you know how to spell and use punctuation._

_COURTNEY: I’m sorry, I’m changing my password._

_BIANCA: Well, while I’ve got your attention...you free tomorrow? We could go to that new vegan place by the Four Seasons._

_COURTNEY: Assuming that’s not a dog-friendly restaurant._

_BIANCA: Haha, afraid not. Why don’t you bring him here first? Sammy and Dede can babysit. ;)_

_COURTNEY: So we begin and end the evening at your apartment? Pretty slick, Bianca Del Rio…_

_BIANCA: You think I need trickery to get you into bed?_

_COURTNEY: Good point, lol._

_BIANCA: 7?_

_COURTNEY: We’ll be there._

Courtney looked back up at Adore, who had a big grin spread across her face.

“Can I be your flower girl?” she asked, and Courtney hit her on the arm.

***

Courtney perched on the arm of Bianca’s sofa, feeling both nervous and comfortable at the same time. Being back in Bianca’s house, a place that had brought her some of the most exhilarating highs of her life...it was surprising to Courtney how much it felt like home. And then, there was the flip side...would she be able to do things differently this time? Anxiety gnawed at her as she tried to define the third thing she was feeling, something elusive but present as they chatted about nothing in particular.

It wasn’t until Bianca strolled over, two glasses of wine in her hands, that Courtney looked into her eyes and realized what it was. As Bianca caught her gaze, dimples appearing in her cheeks, chest rising with each breath, Courtney felt that all too familiar tingling. _Oh, right._

Bianca handed her a glass of white wine, and Courtney took it, sliding her fingers up Bianca’s wrist. She set her glass down, then Bianca’s, stepping closer, green eyes smoldering.

It had been so long that Courtney hadn’t recognized the feeling until Bianca was standing right in front of her, and now all she could think about was that ache deep in her core. Bianca lifted a hand to touch her cheek, and a smile tugged at her lips.

Courtney gripped Bianca by the waist and pulled her close, grinding against her, lips millimeters apart. Bianca closed the distance, pulse racing as she captured Courtney’s lips in a kiss, deep and wet. Courtney pressed against her, ravenous for her lips, her tongue, every part of her.

“Oh, fuck…” Courtney breathed, fingers digging into her waist. Desire pooled inside her, twisting her insides, the heat between them almost primal.

Courtney pushed Bianca backwards, into the loveseat, knelt over her, and began to tear her clothes off. Buttons went flying, zippers jammed, fabric ripped - all in a desperate attempt for Courtney to get at her skin...that warm, smooth, caramel brown skin. She sucked on Bianca’s neck, pulling on her bra straps, intoxicated by her scent, her curves, her very being.

Bianca ran her hands through Courtney’s hair, barely managing to get out a throaty, “This might make us late for dinner, baby...”

Courtney looked down at her, glassy-eyed with lust.

“I don’t care.”


	10. New York. May.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Care for a fucking?? (10 chapters in!! Who am I???)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Rating: Explicit

Bianca gazed up at Courtney, hands tangled in her hair, feeling the weight of her body bearing down. She’d been doing her absolute damndest to follow Courtney’s lead for once, trying not to take control, but looking at her frantic eyes with their blown out pupils, realized that she was a runaway train about to derail right off the tracks. So she took Courtney’s face in her hands, planting a firm, tender kiss on her lips as she gently pushed her backward.

The whimper that escaped Courtney’s lips sounded almost like a protest, and Bianca chuckled lightly.

“I got you, baby...trust me.”

Courtney nodded weakly as Bianca continued to lavish her with kisses, slowly removing the rest of her clothes, whispering praise into her skin. Bianca paused, drinking in the scent of her, the one that told Bianca how wet she was without looking or even touching, mouth traveling down her stomach to her trembling thighs, where her soft tongue coaxed out a desperate whimper.

Courtney jerked up her hips in an urgent need for more contact, but Bianca continued to pepper her thighs with soft kisses, hands wandering over her body at a leisurely pace.

“You’re killing me,” Courtney moaned, hands gripping Bianca’s shoulders, straining to rub against her harder.

Bianca nuzzled her thigh, holding back her laughter to tease, “Aww, you don’t like it, baby?”

“No, I...oh, god…” Courtney’s head fell backward, unable to maintain the strength to hold it up.

“I missed you...so much…” Bianca murmured, hands sliding up her body, fingers toying with her nipples, which immediately stiffened under her touch. “I missed your perfume, and your laugh…” She kept working upwards, licking and kissing and nibbling gently on her warm, rosy skin. She brushed her lips along Courtney’s collarbone, the underside of her jaw. Felt her fluttering pulse, quick as a hummingbird, and added, “...I missed how fucking wet you get…”

With a strained whimper, Courtney grasped Bianca’s ass, abdomen tight like a coiled spring. She could feel the wetness dripping down her thighs as Bianca rubbed against her, gentle and soft, torturously slow.

“Did you miss me too, baby?” Bianca asked, breath hot on her neck.

Courtney’s only answer was the word “please,” her breathing coming out in quick, shallow gasps.

Bianca rocked her hips, trailing her fingers up Courtney’s slick inner thigh, drawing them into her mouth.

“Fuck, you taste so good.” She slid her fingers into Courtney’s open mouth, smiling as she sucked on them without any prompting, arching up. “Good girl.” She kissed the corners of her eyes, where tears were collecting, and whispered, “Now tell me what you want.”

“I...please, B…”

“Tell me…”

Courtney gulped, fingers digging deeper into her ass.

“I want…”

“Yes?” Bianca nuzzled into her ear, nipping gently at her pulse point, one hand caressing her cheek.

“Touch me. Lick my pussy,” Courtney begged. “Suck on my clit...let me come. Please.”

Bianca rewarded her immediately by pressing a palm to her core, letting her rut against the heel of her hand. She could tell by the way Courtney arched and pulled on her hair that she wouldn’t last long, so after dropping one more kiss on her sweaty temple, she moved down, settling between her thighs.

Courtney felt dizzy with the lust that coursed through her blood. That spine-tingling desire that only Bianca had ever made her feel. She was like a drug addict falling off the wagon, trembling with the anticipation of her next hit.

Determined to prolong the experience, to savor every second, Bianca began to lick softly, holding Courtney’s legs apart as she writhed and struggled. She swirled her tongue around, running it over her clit as lightly as a butterfly, the sound of choked out whimpers assuring her that she was on the right track.

“Please, B, please...more…”

Sense memory took over as she picked up the pace, every movement, every flick of her tongue designed to tease, to lead her to the edge and then stop, winding her up tighter and tighter.

Courtney mumbled something unintelligible, and Bianca responded with a delicate stroke of her tongue. She felt her muscles tense, fists buried in Bianca’s hair, a heel dug into her shoulder blade - all spurring her on.

“You ready, baby?” Bianca asked, running the tip of her tongue playfully over her.

Courtney moaned, the frustration visible on her beautiful face, grinding against Bianca’s tongue as best she could.

Bianca lowered her head further, sucked on her clit, prepared for the imminent explosion.

“Oh god, oh god…” Courtney arched and moaned, so close now that she could taste it, and then Bianca sucked harder, hummed against her, and she was gone. Her body throbbed and pulsed under Bianca’s tongue, wave after wave hitting her - all of the tension melting away until she was a puddle, gasping for air. Her hands, which had been grasping fistfuls of Bianca’s hair, knuckles white, now lay heavily against the top of Bianca’s head.

Bianca kept going, wringing the last ounce of energy from her and then finally crawling beside her. She brought her into a tight embrace, cradling her body, lips pressed to her forehead, whispering, “You did so good, baby…”

This was all Bianca had wanted since that awful day in January when Courtney left. This feeling - finally having Courtney back in her arms, soft and sated. The satisfied, sleepy sigh as she exhaled, snuggling close.

***

Courtney stirred, realizing that she’d fallen asleep, a smile creeping onto her face as she became aware of Bianca holding her. She tilted her chin up, kissing Bianca’s neck, watching the dimples deepen in her cheeks.

“Hiii,” said Courtney, trailing her fingers up Bianca’s arm.

“Hey, you,” Bianca answered softly. “How are you feeling?”

“Mmmh...pretty amazing. You?”

“Perfect.”

As Courtney snuggled against her, a little gurgling noise sounded from her stomach, reminding Bianca that they’d completely missed their dinner reservation.

“You hungry, baby?” she asked, chuckling.

“Actually...yeah, I’m kind of starving,” she admitted.

“Come on, let’s go get some food,” Bianca said, patting her on the ass.

***

“Bianca…” Courtney stared into the pantry in amazement, seeing a shelf crammed full of all her favorite snacks...coconut dates, spicy peanuts, raw almonds, kale chips. She picked up a bag of crispy puffed chickpeas and turned to Bianca, who was improvising a veggie stir-fry at the stove, looking absolutely perfect in her bare feet, apron tied loosely over her bra and panties. Courtney smiled, realizing how much she’d missed the simple, domestic joys of being with her.

“Yes?” Bianca asked, glancing over her shoulder.

“Why do you have all this?” Courtney asked, walking over to her. “I thought you hated this stuff.”

“I do.” Bianca turned around and caught her by the waist. “It’s horrible.”

“Then why-”

“Well, the homeless shelter didn’t want it,” Bianca joked. “Those people have suffered enough.”

“B…”

“And anyway, I knew you’d be back,” Bianca shrugged. Her tone was nonchalant, but her eyes were soft, and Courtney felt a golf ball-sized lump rising in her throat.

It was moments like this, when Courtney could see behind the bravado to the generous, loving, vulnerable parts of Bianca - the parts she tried so hard to keep hidden, when she felt like her heart would burst from love. When she remembered exactly why and how she fell for Bianca in the first place.

It wasn’t ever about the money, or the connections, or the sex. It was about _her_. Her soul, the core of her being - that was why Courtney loved her so much. She wrapped her arms around Bianca’s waist and buried her face in her neck, inhaling deeply.

“Wow,” Bianca said, stroking her hair. “If those chickpea things excite you this much, you should see all the soyrizo in the freezer.”

Courtney giggled, green eyes glittering up at her. Bianca pressed a light kiss to the corner of her mouth and turned back to the stove, letting Courtney’s arms stay wrapped around her from behind.

A moment later, their contented little bubble popped as an eruption of barking sounded from the other room.

“Oh, shit,” Bianca said, then called out, “Did you assholes forget how to behave?”

Courtney laughed and kissed the back of Bianca’s neck, saying, “I’ll go check on them.” She took one step away when Bianca turned quickly, pulling her back in for another kiss. And a second. And a third.

“Okay,” Bianca murmured against her lips. “Now you can go.”

***

Later, snuggled in bed, Courtney was unable to stop touching Bianca, layering kisses against her neck, the underside of her jaw.

Bianca sighed happily, drawing light circles on Courtney’s back, twirling a lock of blonde hair around her finger.

“Oh shit…” Courtney said suddenly. “I almost forgot to set an alarm.”

“I’ll do it,” Bianca said, picking up her phone. “What time?”

“Six thirty.”

“Jesus Christ. On a Saturday? Why?”

“Mmmm…” Courtney yawned, hugging her close. “I’ve got a flight to LA at noon. And I’m not really packed, so…”

“What’s in LA?”

“There’s some big meeting at Disney on Wednesday, and so we’re having a few days of camera tests. Plus they want me to read with a potential co-star.”

“Oh.” Bianca bit her lip, sighing.

“What’s the matter?” Courtney asked, as she brushed a lock of hair from Bianca’s face.

“No, nothing, I just...for a second I was thinking that I could convince you to blow off...whatever you were doing. But...” She trailed off, looking at Courtney’s amused, indulgent smile. “Bummer.”

Courtney kissed her softly.

“But...I’ll be back next Friday.”

“Ugh, that’s in a _week_ ,” Bianca moaned, realizing too late how whiney she sounded. “Sorry.”

“I know...it’s gonna be torture,” said Courtney, stroking her face.

“Torture,” Bianca agreed.

“So...maybe we should really make tonight count?” she suggested, one eyebrow lifting suggestively.

A naughty smile passed across Bianca’s face, and she flipped Courtney over onto her back.

“Deal…”

***

It was hours later, as Courtney lay sound asleep in her arms, when Bianca found herself staring up at the ceiling with anxiety gnawing at her stomach. She tried to ignore it, tried to shake the irritating thoughts from her head and relax, but she just couldn’t do it.

She looked over at the clock. 3:48. Shit. She’d be a real asshole to wake Courtney now, wouldn’t she?

Bianca swallowed and closed her eyes again, but it was no use. She felt like she was about to jump out of her skin. She shook Courtney, gently, whispering, “Hey, Court?”

“Mmmhm…” Courtney stirred, snuggling tighter against her.

“Um...I need to...can we talk for a second?”

Courtney sat up suddenly, a little startled. Middle-of-the-night conversations weren’t exactly Bianca’s typical thing. “What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m...I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to freak you out.”

“What’s wrong, B?” Courtney was now fully awake, brow furrowed in concern.

“I just...look, I know we said that we’d try ‘casual dating,’ and this is only our first one, so…”

“Damn, I’m a slut.” Courtney fluttered her lashes.

Chuckling, Bianca pulled her close.

“That would mean I’m a slut, too.”

“Well, right, but we already knew that,” Courtney teased, poking at Bianca’s dimples. After a moment, she asked softly, “But...what’s on your mind? It’s obviously something.”

“I’m not trying to rush things,” Bianca explained. “And like, maybe this is premature, but you’re about to leave town and I don’t want you to go without...uh…shit. I’m being an idiot.”

Courtney pressed a kiss to her temple, whispering, “Tell me, B.”

“Well…” Bianca knew how this was going to go. She’d ask the question, and Courtney would burst out laughing, assuring her that she had nothing to worry about. So why was it so hard to ask? “I mean, we haven’t talked about whether we’re going to be exclusive, and I just...I’m a little...we are, right? I mean...going to be exclusive? Even while it’s...casual?”

Courtney bit her lip, and Bianca could feel her heart drop. She wasn’t laughing. She wasn’t acting like this was a ridiculous question.

“Well...are you really ready to be exclusive?” Courtney asked.

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?!” Bianca exclaimed, before she could stop herself.

“It means,” Courtney sighed, “that I recognize how jealous I used to get all the time, and it really wasn’t healthy, and maybe it’s time for me to open my mind up about what love means. You know? You flirting with another woman, or even...whatever you want to do, with someone else, it doesn’t mean you love me any less. So maybe it’s okay to be non-exclusive. Maybe that would be good for us.”

Bianca stared at her, mouth agape.

“Why does your face look like that? You’ve had open relationships before.”

“Yeah, because I didn’t give a shit!”

“B. I’m trying to be mature about this,” Courtney explained.

“No. No, I know what this is. Okay? I know this game.” Bianca felt her blood begin to boil.

“What...what what is? What game?” she blinked, having the audacity to look confused.

“Who is she?” Bianca demanded.

“I’m so lost…”

“Who are you _fucking_ in LA, Courtney?” she seethed, anger bubbling up.

Now, Courtney laughed. Bianca bristled, heart pounding with rage.

“B...come on, are you for real right now?”

“Yes!”

“I’m not fucking anyone. That’s not the point.”

“So what _is_ the point?”

“Bianca…” Courtney wrapped her arms around Bianca’s neck. “I just don’t want to fuck things up by rushing into a commitment. It doesn’t mean that I want anyone else.” She kissed her softly, just below her ear, whispering, “How could I want anyone else?”

“Well…” Bianca swallowed. Her pounding heartbeat was beginning to slow down. “I don’t know. I just…”

“You’re more than enough for me.”

“I suppose I’m a real handful, how would you have time?”

“Exactly…” Courtney giggled, biting her neck, pressing a thigh into her. “But I don’t want to ask you for too much right now. I know I’m gonna be away a lot this year, and I don’t want you to feel...trapped.”

“How much is a lot?” Bianca asked.

“Well, I’ll be in LA twice this month, and then most of June and July, and then we’re shooting Glimmer in Spain and Prague, and we don’t wrap until right before Christmas.”

“Oh, shit.”

“Yeah.” Courtney ran her fingers through Bianca’s hair. “So it just doesn’t seem fair to ask you to sit on your hands for...what, six months? I think it makes more sense to...kind of figure it out as we go.”

Bianca’s mind was spinning. She felt relieved that Courtney didn’t want anyone else - overjoyed, in fact. But now, she had a whole different set of problems to stress about. Six months? How was she supposed to handle Courtney being out of town for six months? Last year, they couldn’t even get through three weeks. Sure, Bianca would be able to visit occasionally, but with her work schedule, the idea of jetting off to Prague for a few days wouldn’t be an easy feat.

“Do you feel better?” Courtney asked, nuzzling into her cheek.

“Yeah, I guess. But I just...six months. Shit.”

“So, let’s not rush…” Courtney said softly. “We’ve got plenty of time…”

Bianca closed her eyes, trying to enjoy the heated embrace under the covers, Courtney’s body pressing down against hers, the light, teasing kisses along her collarbone.

_Plenty of time._


	11. New York. Mid May.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bianca is on her very best behavior; Courtney is into it.

“Well Bibi, I’m thrilled that you have your little darling back. Maybe now you won’t be such a miserable hag,” Raven smiled sweetly, holding her champagne glass in a toast. They were having a small version of their typical family brunch, which so far involved no food, just drinks.

“Thanks Raven. You fuckin’ bitch,” Bianca cackled, toasting her.

“I think what she means is, we’re happy if you’re happy,” Fame said, a hand on Bianca’s shoulder.

“No.” Raven shook her head. “I meant that she’s been a miserable hag and I hope it’s over.”

“Seems like it’s over. Look, she’s actually smiling,” Raja commented, pointing a finger at her friends face. “Little dimple face.”

“Shut up,” Bianca said, doing her best to suppress the dimples currently ruining her badass reputation.

“So, are things as...idyllic as you remember?” Fame asked lightly. “No residual anger, resentment?”

“No, none,” Bianca said, casually tossing back the rest of her champagne and signaling to the waiter for another.

“Well that’s just wonderful. I mean you’d think there’d be all kinds of issues-”

“I see what you’re doing,” Bianca told her. “And it’s not gonna work.”

“No, I really mean it! Patrick and I are still working through our stuff. It’s not easy,” Fame explained.

“Look. Things are good. I mean, better than good. But we agreed to take it slow, so that’s what I’m doing. I won’t be getting her another blood diamond, that’s for sure.”

“Blood diamond?” Raja chuckled.

“Yeah, apparently buying diamonds is supporting slavery and genocide.”

“Yawn,” Raven said, rolling her eyes. “Who cares?”

“You’re a beautiful soul,” Bianca informed her.

“Does she really want to take it slow, or is she playing games?” Raja asked. “Courtney has always struck me as very traditional.”

“I don’t think she’s playing games. And I don’t how traditional she is anymore. I mean...well, she actually suggested having an open relationship. Like, as if we’re some kind of animals.”

“Uhh...hi?” Fame held up her hand.

“No, come on. Usually it’s like, open when you don’t give a shit and want to fuck other people, and monogamy when you care about someone.”

“I resent that,” Fame said. “Patrick and I are very happy.”

“Well, maybe you’re an exception, but most people aren’t as ‘evolved’ as you guys.” Bianca rolled her eyes.

Raja laughed. “I know I’m not.”

“So yeah, I won’t lie, that seemed pretty fucked up.” Bianca took a drink, clearly bracing herself. “But...dealing. New year, new me, new therapist. Trying to roll with the punches.”

“Ha! That’s how I would describe you. Roll with the punches, good time gal,” Raven joked. “Easy breezy beau-...well. Two out of three ain’t bad.”

“Listen. It’s worth it, alright?” Bianca pulled out her phone and opened her messages, sliding it across the table at Raja.

Raja glanced down, Courtney's ass filling the screen, her body wrapped in lingerie.

“I can see where you’re coming from.” Raja smiled, giving an appreciative nod as she slid the phone back. “Enjoy it while you can, Bibi.”

Fame scoffed, seeing the pictures over Raja’s shoulder.

“Does she have to be so _obvious?_ That’s just vulgar.”

“Exactly,” Bianca said, sighing happily and snatching her phone back. “She’s fucking perfect.

***

“I mean, I’m happy, totally happy, that we’re trying again. Of course. Of course I’m happy. But I just...ugh, the idea of long distance is so fucking stressful,” Bianca complained, hands animated as she spoke, barely paying attention to Sasha’s reactions or letting her get a word in.

She’d been spending most of their session back and forth between stubborn declarations of her happiness and spiraling into anxiety-filled tangents. Sasha sat, leaning forward, having given up on her notes, trying valiantly to follow Bianca’s train of thought and make some sense of it.

“What is it in particular that you’re worried about-”

“Everything! I mean, fuck, I hate being apart from her. I want to be with her, like _physically_ with her, and so this is just...six months! It sounds like so little time, but it’s going to feel like an _eternity_. And then, like, okay now it’s six months. But what if she starts doing more movies? Or what if she just _loves_ LA and wants to move there?”

“Okay, so it sounds like you’re-”

“Ugh, you _know_ she’s going to want to move to LA! And I cannot, I cannot live in LA. Have you been to LA? It’s like the fourth circle of hell. LA _sucks_.” Bianca flopped backwards onto the sofa. “And then I’m gonna lose her to some fucking volleyball-playing, composting, bohemian movie director, and then-”

“Bianca, you’re catastrophizing. Why do you think she’ll move to LA when-”

“Because! I know her! I mean listen, LA is fine for like a week but more than that and you start tearing your hair out for lack of...I don’t know, intensity? It’s too _nice_. It’s infuriatingly nice. Everyone is happy, and relaxed. I can’t abide that. I need to be surrounded by an appropriate level of neuroticism.”

“Okay, it sounds like you’re getting off-”

“Plenty of time! That’s what she said, ‘we have plenty of time.’ But do we? Do I? How many years of this half-time long distance shit is it gonna take us to get to a place where we’re ready to settle? I know she wants a family. Am I gonna be in my fucking 50s before she wants kids?”

“This is just now occurring to you?” Sasha asked, finally getting a full sentence out.

Bianca turned to glare at her.

“Oh, uh...go fuck yourself? How about that?”

Sasha removed her glasses and folded her hands.

“Bianca… all of the things worrying you right now are incredibly valid. These are important questions. And _you_ are the only one who can answer them. But you probably need to talk to Courtney in order to do that.”

“That sounds like a _great_ way to destroy any hope for the future. Thanks doc.”

“Why would an honest dialogue destroy hope for the future?” Sasha tilted her head.

“Because! This is all so…” Bianca faltered. It was a fair question. And lord knows, Courtney would probably love long complex discussions about their relationship. It was one of her biggest complaints in the past - that Bianca would shut down conversations, especially difficult ones. “What if I don’t like the answers?”

Sasha gave her a small, sympathetic smile, before saying, very gently, “Bianca, I know it sounds frightening to bring this up. But if your relationship can’t withstand honestly, then it’s built on very shaky ground.”

Bianca scoffed.

“Maybe that’s your real fear,” Sasha added.

“Our relationship is great!” Bianca insisted. “I just...I mean, I just don’t want to rock the boat. It doesn’t feel like it’s smart to do that.”

“Good boats can withstand a lot of rocking.”

“Don’t use my own metaphors against me, bitch.”

Sasha laughed, then said, “Listen, we’re almost out of time today, and so before you go, I really want to give you...a challenge, for the week.”

“Oh, this’ll be good…”

“You told me last week that Courtney’s biggest problem in your relationship was the power imbalance between the two of you, right?”

“Yeah…” Bianca continued to eye Sasha suspiciously.

“Okay, well, that seems like something you really need to address. So this week, when you see her, I’m asking you to really examine that, and think about what you can do in order to take on new, more equitable roles.”

“I mean, I’ve been trying.”

“Good! That’s great. Keep working at it, and see if you can find ways, big and small, where that can play out in a healthy way. We’re not looking for a complete reversal, but in the beginning, you may need to train yourself to share the power by taking on a more...submissive is the wrong word...”

Bianca scoffed.

“-exactly. But, to show her that you respect her as an autonomous human being...it might take some extra work. So, do the work. Make the effort. And let me know how it goes.”

Bianca sighed. “I’ll do my best.”

“That’s all you can do, right?” Sasha gave her an encouraging smile and gestured to the clock. “I’m afraid we’ve gotta wrap it up.”

“Awesome. Well, this was a complete waste of time. As usual.”

“Right. So, I’ll see you next week? To waste some more time?” Sasha asked.

“Yeah, see you next week.” Bianca picked up her purse and sunglasses. “Bye, doc.”

***

Courtney twirled on on the dance floor, letting Tati spin her around and around, growing pleasantly dizzy. It felt like ages since she’d been out with her old friends, and she missed them all.

She laughingly accepted a cocktail from Morgan and slung an arm around Naomi’s waist, feeling happy and free and surrounded by love. The only thing that would make tonight better would be-

“Bianca!” Courtney’s face lit up with joy, spotting Bianca across the dance floor. She pushed her way through the crowd to fling herself into Bianca’s arms, hugging her tightly and then pulling away to gaze into her eyes. “Hiiii. Thank you for coming.”

“Hey,” Bianca breathed, going in for a slow, lazy kiss that quickly deepened with all the pent-up passion of a week spent apart. She wasn’t entirely thrilled at the location Courtney chose for this reunion - a trendy hipster club in SoHo, surrounded by all her college friends - but she was willing to put up with it, to show her that she could in fact meet in the middle.

Courtney tilted her head up, letting Bianca trail her lips down her jaw to her neck, sighing into it. Tingling with content from such a warm, perfect greeting, Courtney laced her fingers with Bianca’s and pulled her over to their table, where Adore and Tyra were lining up shots.

“Ugh. Hey, B,” Adore said, then turned to Courtney to complain good-naturedly, “I can’t believe you brought my sister to girl’s night.”

“I haven’t seen her all week!” Courtney exclaimed, hugging Bianca tighter.

“Fine, but she better pick up the tab,” said Adore emphatically.

“No, we’re not doing that anymore.” Courtney shook her head.

Adore put her hands on her hips and glared at the two of them.

“Why do you have to ruin everything?”

“Relax, Adore. I’ll pick up _your_ tab. Okay?” Bianca said, then looked at Courtney pointedly. “Is that allowed, ma’am?”

Courtney giggled and nodded, pressing a kiss to Bianca’s cheek.

“Perf. Here, have a shot. It’s on me. Or, you.” Adore slid the drink across the table.

Bianca slammed back the shot, the vodka burning her throat, hoping that a little lubrication would make her feel less uncomfortable, less old, less irritated by her surroundings.

“Uh, hello, you’re supposed to wait for everyone else,” Adore said, and Bianca shrugged.

“Fine. Give me another.”

Putting up with the drunken shenanigans of her sister and their friends was a small price to pay, Bianca supposed, to see the grateful smile on Courtney’s face all night. She was clearly happy - extra affectionate, spirits high, adorably tipsy, flirting up a storm.

At one point on the dance floor, Bianca slipped her hands up under Courtney’s skirt with a sly wink, fully expecting them to be slapped away, followed by a gentle scolding. But Courtney just grinned and pressed closer to her.

“So...you haven’t seen my place yet,” Courtney stated, arms tightening around Bianca’s neck. Her lips turned up in a mischievous smirk.

“No…”

“Do you wanna?” she asked, with a twinkle in her eyes and just the slightest little slur.

All things being equal, Bianca would much rather they spend the night at her own place. But she decided to save that discussion for another day.

“Yeah, sure,” Bianca said. “I mean, we’re already downtown, so why not?”

“Good. Because I’ve got a surprise for you. And I think you’re really, really gonna like it.”

“Oh yeah?”

Courtney giggled, kissed her just under her ear, whispering, “I am gonna do such filthy things to you later…”

“Why wait?” Bianca asked, and Courtney flashed another dazzling smile, biting her lip.

“I won’t be able to much longer,” Courtney said.

Bianca laughed, brushing a lock of hair from her face.

“I’m ready when you are. Just say the word...”

Courtney leaned in, lips brushing against Bianca’s ear as she murmured, “Ready.”


	12. New York. May.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Courtney delivers on her promise, and Bianca has a breakthrough. (Or does she?)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Rating: Explicit

Courtney hovered over Bianca on all fours, skin glistening in the lamplight, eyes slowly drifting up her body, licking her lips. Bianca tried to hold her gaze, but couldn’t stop herself from glancing down at that red harness, the dildo glistening with lube. A thrill rippled through her knowing that this was something she’d only ever done with Courtney, something just theirs.

“Biancaaa…” Courtney’s voice was soft, eyes hooded with lust.

“Hi,” Biana replied, her own skin feeling warm from Courtney’s eyes on her. It was always a struggle, the moments where Bianca had to let go, a fire burning in her as she wished for nothing more than to consume Courtney, body and soul. From the second they’d gotten through the door, Courtney challenged her - aggressive and firm, and Bianca resisted at first, throwing her body against Courtney’s with a bite of her own, the women entangled and battling, both urging the other to give up the dominance they wanted so much they could taste it - until Bianca relented, Courtney grabbing her in a final grasp and dragging her under.

And then Courtney had gotten her arms above her head, pinning her wrists down, asking in a breathy whisper if she was ready for her surprise, ready to be good, and Bianca was putty in her hands, fluttering excitement filling her belly.

“If you’re not, I can just...forget about it,” she’d said, eyes burning into Bianca’s own, turning her insides out, making her pulse race.

“No...I’m ready. Bring it on…” Bianca answered hoarsely, and Courtney smiled, reaching slowly for a little box on her nightstand.

So now here Bianca was, naked and vulnerable, heart hammering in her chest, wrists bound in leather cuffs and fastened to the headboard, looking up at Courtney’s angelic face, currently decorated with a wicked smirk. Her breathing came in shallow gulps as she waited in nervous anticipation for what was coming. She felt ridiculous, like a virginal bride about to be ravaged for the first time. It was thrilling and terrifying at the same time, goosebumps playing on Bianca’s skin, her stomach twisting with excitement, her thighs already slick.

“Did you miss me this week?” Courtney asked, fingers trailing over her flushed skin, her perfectly manicured nails leaving behind a trace of sensation that made Bianca tremble.

“Like crazy.” Bianca bit her lip, thoughts of how much she had missed Courtney swirling in her head, memories of lonely nights and wine bottles fighting for her attention, but she allowed them no space, Courtney’s perfect face and the pressure steadily building and burning like a fire in her the only things that mattered.

“Mmm...I missed you, too…” Courtney began to kiss a light trail along her collarbone, down her chest. A few flicks of her hot tongue teasing Bianca’s nipple.

Bianca let out a breathy sigh, hands balled into fists inside her leather cuffs, her movements hampered, reminding her of Courtney’s control. She strained a little, growing impatient.

“You like that, B?” Courtney continued to toy with her full breasts, nipples now hard against her palms.

“You know I do,” Bianca fired back, her refusal to play only making Courtney smile even more, lazily caressing her.

Her hand drifted down, brushing lightly over Bianca’s clit, palm resting against her, offering no resistance when Bianca arched up.

“Baby…” Bianca tried another technique, voice soft.

“Yes?”

“I’m ready.”

“I can tell…” Courtney said, sliding one finger easily inside her.

“Yeah, so…” Bianca arched up again, a low whimper escaping her as Courtney’s thumb ghosted over her clit. She felt dizzy, vulnerable, and so wet. “Fuck…”

Courtney withdrew her hand, pressed the tip of the dildo against her teasingly. She took Bianca’s chin firmly in her fingers and tilted it up, looking into her eyes.

A rush of excitement passed through Bianca’s body as Courtney’s hand cupped her face. She parted her lips, welcoming the light kisses that Courtney brushed against her.

Her hands still flexed in their restraints, fingers digging into her own palms as Courtney slowly slid the dildo inside her. She arched up into it, panting, not caring how needy her body was being, just wanting more.

Courtney continued to kiss her, one hand running through her hair while the other wrapped around her thigh. Her hips began to rock...slowly, then faster, and then finally, finally, fucking finally catching up to the frantic rhythm of Bianca’s own body.

All of Bianca’s normal inhibitions, at least what was left of them, melted away as she wrapped her legs around Courtney’s hips, desperately pulling her closer. She barely noticed as Courtney picked up a remote, until the low vibrations started, making her moan and writhe, gasping for air.

“Oh, _shit_...yes…”

Sliding her hands up Bianca’s arms to her wrists, Courtney laced their fingers together, felt Bianca grip her tightly. As much as she loved having Bianca in this submissive state, she realized that what she really wanted was those hands on her again those clever hands that touched her like no one else could, knew her body in a way so intimate she could blush at the mere thought. So she pulled feverishly at the buckles, freeing Bianca’s hands, which immediately wrapped around her body, clutching her ass, clawing at her back. Bianca moaned into her mouth.

“I love you, B,” Courtney murmured against her neck. “I love you so much…”

Eyes rolled back in her head, body wracked in delicious agony, all Bianca could do in response was whimper and moan, tangling her hands into Courtney’s hair.

Courtney’s own body felt swollen with desire, as she rolled her hips deeper, harder against Bianca’s body, the vibrations bringing her to the edge. She muffled her own desperate cries by sinking her teeth into Bianca’s neck, biting down as she started to come, the tugging on her hair spurring her on. Bianca’s hands so strong and sure, guiding her, taking her, using her even after coming just moments before, making Courtney see stars. Soon, she couldn’t hold back anymore and tossed her head back, letting out full-throated moan.

Hot and over-stimulated, Bianca sighed in relief as the vibrations stopped, riding out the aftershocks quietly, nothing but airy whimpers until she was too wrung out to move, legs and arms wrapped around Courtney’s body, both of them slick with sweat, thighs sticky and chests heaving with exhaustion.

They remained tangled together until Courtney managed to lift her head, planting a soft, sweet kiss on Bianca’s cheek, nuzzling her gently.

“Mmh, hi baby…” Bianca breathed, eyes slowly fluttering open.

Courtney continued to kiss her, lavishing her with affection while Bianca just drank it in greedily, letting herself bask in the moment. Finally, Courtney rolled away, the sudden emptiness making Bianca gasp.

“Are you okay?” Courtney asked, taking one of Bianca’s hands and pressing it between her own.

“I’m great…” Bianca said, stretching languidly. “Nice dick, by the way. I appreciate the upgrade.”

“Thanks,” Courtney giggled.

“So...what do you have to do to get a shower in this place? Bang the hostess?”

“Alright,” Courtney said, “But give me a minute to recover first.”

Bianca laughed, pulling her close and wrapping her into a warm embrace.

Courtney pressed back against her, the curves of her body so familiar, so soft, so utterly like home.

“I thought you wanted to take a shower.”

“Mmhmm, in a minute.” Bianca yawned and ran her fingers along the edges of Courtney’s harness, slipping them beneath the red leather straps. “This is new, too, huh?”

“You like it?”

“Very sexy,” Bianca said, holding back the embarrassingly insecure voice in her head screaming, _‘Who else have you used it with?!_ ’

“I got it this week in LA…” Courtney said, as if reading her mind. “I wanted to surprise you.”

Bianca couldn’t help feeling a bit ashamed at the relief she felt hearing that. She was well aware of how hypocritical she was being, considering her history. But nonetheless, her muscles relaxed and she pulled Courtney closer.

“It was the best surprise,” she murmured.

***

“So...how are you doing?” Sasha asked, once Bianca was settled into her normal position on the sofa, a pillow clutched in her lap.

“I’m...really good, I think.”

“That’s great.”

Bianca narrowed her eyes.

“Don’t fucking condescend to me.”

Sasha rested her chin on her hand.

“What makes you think I’m condescending to you?” she asked.

“Well...aren’t you? You don’t actually believe me, do you?” Bianca crossed her arms, foot tapping impatiently.

Sasha paused a moment before saying, “I think I’ve always been pretty clear and direct when I think you’re...not being honest. Haven’t I?”

“Yeah. Okay, sorry.” Bianca sighed.

“You said you were really good. Were you thinking about work, Courtney? Your family? What’s going well?”

“Uh...everything, kind of. Work’s been great, and Courtney’s...Courtney’s the best. It’s like...it’s a whole new relationship.”

“Uh huh. In what way?”

“Well…” Bianca chewed on her lip slightly. “I guess she was kind of right, about there being a weird, kinda dysfunctional power dynamic last time. And now, that’s like...it’s gone. We’re on a totally equal playing field. It’s...it’s good.”

“And you’re not missing the old dynamic?”

“I mean...I’d be lying if I said that it came naturally for me to, you know, submit. Or whatever. But luckily, she hasn’t given me much choice.” Bianca chuckled slightly. “She’s like...totally dominant now. It’s...hot.”

“Hmm.”

“What?!”

“Well...when you say she’s dominant now...do you mean sexually dominant?”

“Yeah, exactly. And I even liked it. So like...why are you giving me that look? Aren’t you proud of me for ‘taking on new roles’?” Bianca’s brow was furrowed, confused by Sasha’s lukewarm reaction to her amazing progress.

“I, uh...okay, well, we’ve talked about this relationship many times, right? And of all the issues you’ve discussed here...your sex life never seemed to be a problem.”

“Well...no, but…” Bianca faltered. What the fuck did Sasha want from her?

“So, when I say to take on new roles, that wasn’t really what I was referring to.”

“But...you’re a fucking therapist! I thought you’d be all into the symbolism of it!”

“Okay, I see where you’re coming from...” Sasha paused, then added, “It’s not that there’s anything wrong with symbolism, or with exploring new dynamics in the bedroom. All of that is fine. But...in order to make the kind of changes that you say you want to make, your actions have to be more than symbolic.”

“Well, this is bullshit,” Bianca said, arms crossed, glowering.

“Look...I’m not saying that you’ve done anything wrong. But I am trying to clarify that I meant explore new roles _outside_ the bedroom.”

“I went to her house! Downtown! I mean, once, but-”

“Okay, great. And...you felt that was a compromise?”

“It’s downtown,” Bianca repeated. “Of course it was a compromise.”

“Okay, good. What about, um...communication? Have you felt secure enough to open up to her? About some of your fears?”

“It hasn’t come up. She just got back last Friday.”

“Mmhmm, right. And she’s leaving...when, exactly?” Sasha’s pen hovered over her notepad as she waited for an answer.

“This feels like a trick question.”

“It’s not, I promise. You brought up your stress, your discomfort, last time we spoke. I’m just wondering if you’re going to be able to dialogue openly with her before she leaves. Isn’t that something you want to do?”

“I mean...yeah. But…I also don’t want to waste the little time we do have arguing.”

“I’m not suggesting any kind of confrontational exchange,” Sasha explained, holding up her hands. “Just...just talk. Share your feelings. If you still feel the same way. I think that expressing that to her, that vulnerability, would be a big step towards building the new dynamic that you both want.”

Bianca sighed and nodded.

“We’ll see.”

***

Once upon a time, back before all the shit hit the fan, this had been their favorite restaurant. A little Italian place down the block from Bianca’s apartment, with simple food, delicious wine, and flickering candlelight.

Courtney sat in their usual spot, a cozy corner booth, looking at Bianca’s beautiful face bathed in the soft glow from the candles, and sighed happily. Everything in her life was finally coming together. They had almost two weeks left before she had to return to LA for the summer, and she was prepared to make the most of it.

If only Bianca would finish the email currently preoccupying her and pay her some attention, then the night would be perfect. She slipped her foot out of her shoe and began to slowly, gently, nudge at Bianca’s leg.

Bianca looked up, an amused smirk on her face.

“I’m so sorry, baby. I’ll be done in a minute.”

“It’s fine, take your time…” Courtney licked the edge of her wine glass, continued to caress Bianca’s calf with her foot.

Bianca tapped on her phone with one hand, the other one reaching under the table to grab Courtney’s ankle, knowing that footsie wasn’t going to help her concentrate on the work at hand. Courtney giggled and began inching closer to her in the booth, biting her lip while she waited for Bianca to finish. When Bianca finally put her phone down and turned to face her, she’d practically crawled into her lap.

“Hi, angel…”

“Hi…”

Bianca smiled, dark eyes filled with love, and Courtney felt warm and tingly all the way down to her toes.

“Do you have any idea how happy you make me?” Courtney asked. “I hope...that I make you happy, too.”

Dimples appeared in Bianca’s cheeks as she leaned forward, brushing her lips against Courtney’s.

“Of course you do, baby,” she murmured. “Incredibly, disgustingly happy.”

“And...you’re okay with everything? Like...are we gonna be good when I’m gone?”

Bianca nearly winced. Why was she bringing that up, now? Had Bianca done something? Said something wrong? Maybe this was the time to address the elephant that they’d been dancing around for weeks.

But then Bianca looked at her face, hopeful and open, and didn’t have the heart to bring up any of the issues that had been plaguing her. Instead, she pressed another sweet kiss to her lips.

“We’re gonna be better than good,” Bianca assured her, hoping that she could make it true by repeating it often enough.

Courtney beamed at her, heart bursting with joy.

“Perfect.”


	13. New York. Early June.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Courtney prepares to leave town, Bianca finds herself not handling it super well.

“Oh my god, this is gorgeous!”

It was utterly endearing, how unfamiliar Courtney was with the celebrity treatment. Bianca had accompanied her to Jeremy Scott’s showroom, where she was supposed to be choosing a handful of dresses to wear while she was in LA this summer. She’d made sure to have a rack of supplemental clothing, shoes, and accessories delivered from Marie Claire as well, just to guarantee that everything went smoothly.

Courtney’s unbridled enthusiasm over everything was adorable, and every time she emerged in a new look, she would spin and prance around and it was all so cute that it made Bianca forget about the work piling up for her back at the office. They’d started with a few red carpet looks, which was the entire point, and Bianca was almost feeling optimistic about Courtney’s choices; the mini-dresses, referential humor, quirky materials, strong point of view and bright colors were all fun and youthful but still stylish. Everything Courtney’s brand would hopefully be once Disney finished rebranding her as someone who was also a movie star. Of course, her girlfriend could never stay focused on formal wear for too long, and her current look was a perfect example of that.

Bianca grinned at her, admired how fantastic her ass looked in short denim shorts, the fabric ripped in the signature Scott style, a sparkly top with sequins letters and a denim jacket with patches all finishing off Courtney’s look, as an assistant fluffed up her hair even further.

“Isn’t this great?!” Courtney exclaimed, and Bianca made a motion for her to twirl again, just to get another look at her butt. Courtney happily obliged, tossing a sultry look over her shoulder. “Well?”

“I mean...you know how I feel about denim on denim…” Bianca trailed off as Courtney arched her back and fluttered her lashes, giving the blonde a knowing wink. “But I guess we can make an exception.”

“Sounds like it’s going in the take pile,” Courtney said, and then skipped back into the dressing room with the assistant to try on her next look.

Bianca took the opportunity to check her emails and make sure there were no emergencies back at Marie Claire.

“Oh my god! Bianca you’re going to love this!”

Courtney bopped out from the dressing room, clearly beyond excited as she showed off a bubblegum pink jacket, the length of it hitting her upper thigh, the pockets blue bubbles.

“And look! The dress is even better.” Courtney unzipped it, showing off a white dress with what Bianca could see was from when Stella Maxwell handpainted an entire runway collection for Scott.

“Okay, if you wear that jacket, it should be open over something plain white, so put it aside for now. And...you definitely need different shoes,” Bianca said. “Why don’t you try the black heels?”

“But B…” Courtney pouted. She loved the sparkly high tops she was wearing.

“Humor me.” Bianca was suddenly even gladder she’d made it today, rushing over after her board meeting, because left to her own devices, of _course_ Courtney would try to wear a piece of art with a bubble gum jacket and sparkly sneakers.

Once styled to Bianca’s liking, Courtney disappeared again to try on the next look. She sprang through the curtains with a huge grin, wearing a pink neon velour tracksuit with rainbow trim, the zippered top so short that even her small tits gave a bit of under-boob.

“You better like this one because omigod, it’s perfect!” 

“Where the fuck are you gonna wear a neon tracksuit?” Bianca asked, folding her arms.

“Everywhere!” Courtney cried, spreading her arms and spinning.

“No.”

“Come on,” Courtney wheedled. “Can’t you see me wandering around Trader Joe’s in it, looking for coconut water?”

“Courtney. You have money now. You can afford Whole Foods.”

Courtney laughed, shaking her head, and Bianca grinned back.

“Listen, we’re here for a reason. Let’s get you out of the grocery store and back on the red carpet, hmm?” Bianca glanced at her watch.

“Fine!”

When they finally had ten looks together, Bianca relaxed a bit. She’d be back at her desk by 4:30, and hopefully be able to speed through her pre-weekend approvals in a couple of hours.

“Are you happy?” Bianca asked, taking Courtney’s hand and kissing it.

“Uh huh...are you happy?” Courtney asked, lashes fluttering.

Bianca pulled Courtney into her lap, wishing that they were alone, loving how she immediately softened, relaxed against her.

“Now I am…”

Courtney giggled, wrapping her arms around Bianca’s neck.

“Thanks for coming.”

“Anytime,” Bianca said.

“Do you really have to go back to the office?” Courtney stuck out her lower lip in a pout, encouraged by the soft groan that fell from Bianca’s lips.

“I really do.”

“Mmm...well, I guess I’ll have to make it up to you later,” Courtney said, lips meeting Bianca’s in a deep kiss. “Dinner at my place?”

Bianca swallowed. She’d been avoiding Courtney’s apartment ever since the first suitcases appeared, preferring to pretend that their imminent separation wasn’t real.

“Umm…” Bianca searched for a reasonable excuse, finally saying, “Sammy’s been a little sick, so can we maybe do my place tonight?”

“Oh no! Of course we can,” Courtney assured her, and Bianca felt a rush of guilt for lying.

“Thanks. Maybe we can order in? Have a chill night?”

“That sounds fabulous,” Courtney said, nuzzling her cheek.

***

Dragging her ass downtown after midnight was not high on Bianca’s list of preferred activities, but tonight, she didn’t feel like she had much choice.

Courtney hadn’t invited Bianca to join her for the dinner she was having with her newly cast co-star, the beautiful Honey Mahogany, an award-winning Broadway actress and outspoken member of the queer community. Someone Bianca knew by reputation, who she just knew that Courtney would love, someone she would never admit intimidated her a little, with her incisive social commentary and elegant grace. She could imagine Courtney being instantly smitten, and that thought drove her crazy.

Bianca wouldn’t have felt so uneasy if she’d been there to keep an eye on things. But, she supposed that it made sense. This was, after all, a work engagement. At least, that’s what it was supposed to be. Courtney was wearing a dress that Bianca deemed too sexy - although it was hard to put her finger on why. It wasn’t particularly short, or low cut. Or even form-fitting. But she just looked so good in it. And why was she getting all glammed up for this woman anyway?

But that wasn’t entirely the problem. It was her instastory. A few pictures from the restaurant, which...fine. Publicity for the movie. But then they’d gone to a dance club, and Bianca could hear the slur in her girlfriend’s voice, see the sparkle in Honey’s eye, and the whole thing made her livid. Courtney’s last story, from the back of the cab, waxing poetic about how much fun she’d had with her costar, had been the straw that broke the camel’s back.

Bianca felt a surge of righteous anger as she rang Courtney’s buzzer. Even Courtney’s surprised delight at hearing the sound of her voice didn’t calm her nerves. Nor did her claim that “the door’s unlocked.”

She let herself in, sure to lock the door behind her, sliding the deadbolt as well. She stalked into Courtney’s bedroom.

“Why on earth is the door unlocked? Do you realize that you live in New York City?” Bianca barked, just getting started.

Courtney blinked up at her from where she lay on the bed, naked, blanket slipping down to her waist. Her head lolled to the side, hair tousled, makeup a little smeared. She’d clearly shed her clothes and climbed right into bed. A slow smile spread across her face and she stretched her arms out, beckoning Bianca to her.

“Come…”

Bianca knelt on the bed, a little disarmed by the warm welcome, but unwilling to let go of her indignation quite yet.

“Why were you out so late? Is this girl your new best friend?” her brow was creased, and she had a flash of regret that she’d skipped her Botox appointment that week.

“Why haven’t you kissed me yet?” Courtney asked, biting her lip coyly.

Bianca cleared her throat. Clearly, there wasn’t going to be a fight this evening. Courtney was simply not taking the bait, far more interested in getting Bianca into her bed then having an argument.

“Well…” Bianca kicked off her shoes and climbed in beside her. “I’m kind of pissed, if you haven’t noticed.”

“Awww, don’t be…” Courtney reached for her, slipping a hand under her top.

“You can’t just…” Bianca trailed off. It was totally unfair. Her being all tipsy and soft and willing like this. How was Bianca supposed to stay mad with those fingers scratching lightly at her ribcage? When she rolled onto her back, legs falling open, pliable as a rag doll, the scent of her arousal in the air…

Bianca gave in, the last traces of anger dissipating as Courtney’s mouth found her pulse point, lips grazing her before a warm tongue began to lick at her sensitive skin. The only thing she felt now was a dizzying lust, capturing Courtney’s lips in a kiss. She tasted the liquor on her tongue, felt the heat rising to her skin even before the flush appeared in her cheeks.

***

They woke up curled together, Bianca’s face buried in Courtney’s hair. She inhaled deeply, moved some of the soft tresses aside to kiss the back of Courtney’s neck.

“Mmm, morning…” Courtney murmured, snuggling back against her.

“Good morning,” Bianca replied, lacing their fingers together, overwhelmed by the warmth of their bodies pressed together, only wanting to hold her tighter.

Courtney sighed.

“I love waking up with you…”

“Yeah?” Bianca asked.

“Yeah. It was one of the worst things about the last few months.” Courtney turned around, resting her forehead against Bianca’s. “I would wake up and it would take me a few seconds to remember...and then the bed felt so cold. You know?”

“Yeah,” Bianca whispered, fingers stroking her cheeks.

“But this…” Courtney pressed closer, wrapping her arms securely around Bianca’s waist, tucking her face into her neck. “This is perfect. I’m so glad you came over...”

“Mmhmm…” Bianca allowed her eyes to fall closed for a few blissful moments. When they opened again, she was met with a sight, over Courtney’s shoulder, that she’d been desperately avoiding the night before. Her suitcases on the floor by the closet, open and nearly full. She sighed, squeezing her eyes tightly closed again.

“What’s wrong?”

“I’m just trying not to think about how much it’s gonna suck when you’re gone.”

“Well...but think how nice all the reunions will be,” Courtney offered, slipping a leg between Bianca’s.

“That’s true.” Bianca kissed the corner of her mouth lightly.

“And it’s only six months. That’s not actually that long.”

“Right.”

“Please don’t stress about it, B. I promise it’s gonna be okay…”

“Yeah…” Bianca nodded. “It’s just that it’s been so good...” She ran her hands through Courtney’s hair, tucking it behind her ears. “...and now it’s all gonna change again.”

“Well...we don’t really have a choice, do we?”

“You have a choice,” Bianca replied. “I mean, you could record your album here, and just go out to LA when Disney needs you. And why not talk to them about using New York sound stages instead of fucking Prague? Just tell them that you want to be here!”

“Bianca, it’s my first role, I can’t go around demanding that they change the locations,” Courtney said, shaking her head incredulously.

“Sure you can! You’re the star of the movie.” Bianca sat up, the duvet gliding down as she reached for her phone. “Or if you want, I can call Donovan at Disney and tell him-”

“Bianca. Stop.” Courtney closed her eyes.

“No! This is bullshit. I just got you back, I don’t want you to go. And if that makes me a selfish bitch-”

“That’s not what I said-”

“Well maybe I am selfish! Okay? Maybe I just want you to be here. With me!” Bianca grimaced, hearing the whine in her own voice, but unable to stop herself.

“I want to be with you, too. But...why aren’t we talking about ways you can visit me? You can come to LA whenever you want, and when I’m in Europe-”

“I can’t just go traipsing off to Europe! I have a job.” Bianca rolled her eyes. “The travel time alone would be-”

“Fine! I understand that. But why can’t you give my job the same respect?!”

Bianca scoffed, and Courtney’s eyes widened in anger.

“It doesn’t matter where they fucking shoot the interiors, Courtney. I know you’re new to all this, but-”

“I’m not that _new!_ I know enough to know that there’s a reason they chose those locations, and that if I get a reputation for being difficult on my first movie, then I’m not going to get another one!”

“Just let me call Donovan!” Bianca said, throwing up her hands. “Maybe they’ll-”

“Don’t you dare call anyone at Disney, B,” Courtney sat up, chest tight with anger.

“Why not? Why can’t I just _try_?” Bianca asked, voice growing louder, her tone bitter and annoyed.

“Why can’t you just be happy for me?!” Courtney exploded, wrapping herself in a blanket.

Bianca stared at her for a few moments, swallowed. Courtney looked up at the ceiling and took a deep, shaky breath, then leveled her gaze back at Bianca’s face.

“I think you should go,” she said quietly.

“Baby-”

“Don’t. Just go. We can talk when you figure out how to be a tenth as supportive as I deserve.” Courtney rose from the bed, locking herself into the bathroom.

“Courtney!” Bianca called after her, but the only answer was the sound of the shower turning on, music blasting from the speakers.

She sat for a few more minutes before pulling on her clothes, the brief regret she’d had now replaced by a much more comfortable emotion: hot, bitter rage.


	14. New York / Los Angeles. June.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bolstered from some sound advice from both Sasha and Jinkx, Bianca visits Courtney in LA and does her best to play the supportive girlfriend.

“I have done nothing BUT support her!” Bianca exclaimed, pacing around Sasha’s office in a fury.

Bianca had shown up to Sasha’s that morning without an appointment, Sasha calmly explaining that she had other patients booked, but she could come back at 1. She’d gone into the office, managing to get a few hours of work done, avoiding contact with other people as much as possible, nearly taking off Trinity’s head when she came into the office without knocking, rescheduling a lunch that she didn’t want to do anyway. Now, she finally had Sasha’s attention, and she was wasting no time in recounting the utter gall with which Courtney accused her of not being supportive.

“From the moment we met, all I’ve _done_ is support her. I gave her everything she needed, everything she could ever want!”

Sasha made a quick note and then looked up, seeing Bianca’s red cheeks and heaving chest. She glanced at the clock, realizing that Bianca had been ranting for almost twenty minutes, barely pausing to take a breath, and so she took advantage of the brief pause to step in.

“I understand where you’re coming from, but...is it possible that what you consider support and what she considers support are not the same thing?”

“Yeah, I think that’s rather fucking obvious, doc!” Bianca answered, venom dripping from her words as she sat down heavily on the sofa.

“Okay. So… Let’s break it down,” Sasha said, pressing her fingers together. “What does support look like to you?”

“It’s...everything. I...she needed a place to stay, and so I...she moved in with me. I took care of her. I introduced her to people, set her up with a producer, negotiated her contract with Bravo. I paid for the voice lessons and the dance classes and clothes and shoes and vacations and spa time and manicures and hair-”

“Alright, alright,” Sasha cut in, stopping Bianca before she spun out again. “I hear you. And that’s valid. Taking care of someone financially, helping them get their career started, I get it. That’s a big deal. For a lot of people, that would definitely equal support.”

“I suppose now you’re going to tell me that money is just money, and what Courtney wants now is _emotional support_.” Her voice took on a mocking tone, as she flopped down onto her back with an irritated huff.

“Well...is that what she wants?”

Bianca crossed her arms, glowering, then looked up at the ceiling.

“She says that I’m not happy for her. It’s so fucked up, why wouldn’t I be happy for her?!”

“Are you?”

“Of course! Of course I am!” Bianca exclaimed. “I just...the timing of all of this is just shit. It’s making me crazy. I don’t know.”

“You mean the timing of her leaving town?”

“Yeah. If we were in a better place, or we’d been together for longer. I just wish...I wish it were different. I wish I was younger. God, that feels so pathetic.” Bianca shook her head, taking in a shaky breath.

Sasha gave her one of those irritating, empathetic smiles.

“I don’t think it’s about your age,” she stated, shaking her head. “I don’t even think it’s about long distance.”

“Oh yeah? Then what’s it about?” Bianca challenged.

“Well. It’s about control. You said that the fight escalated after you mentioned calling a Disney executive?”

“Yeah...so?”

“So, it wasn’t the distance,” Sasha explained. “It was that she doesn’t want you to jump in and get involved in her career. Which, by the way, I don’t think I have to tell you would have been absolutely inappropriate on every level. Right?”

“Well...I dunno,” Bianca mumbled. “I mean, I am friends with him, so…”

“Okay,” Sasha said. “Say one of your friends was dating someone who knew their boss. And their partner called your friend’s boss to ask them for some kind of favor. A day off, whatever. What would you tell your friend?”

“I’d tell them…”

“Be honest,” warned Sasha.

“I’d tell them to run, not walk, in the other direction,” Bianca sighed. 

Sasha nodded.

“Shit.” Bianca held her head in her hands. “So, then what? What do I do?”

“What would happen if, the next time you talked, you were truly open with her? Not about what you want her to do. But about what you need. For your happiness, for your security.”

“How am I supposed to know that? I’m not a mind reader.” Bianca paused, shaking her head. “I’m trying to do the right thing. So I just need to forget about my bullshit for awhile and like, do whatever makes her happy.”

“So, you want to have the same fight over and over? Stay in a relationship that makes you miserable?”

“I’m not always miserable. I can...just grit my teeth through the shitty parts, because the good parts are so...they’re _so_ good.”

“I believe that,” Sasha said. “But repressing your feelings is not a sustainable life strategy.”

“Oh yeah, who even asked you?!”

Sasha tilted her head, leaning back in her chair.

“Can’t you just tell me what I wanna hear? Just once?” Bianca complained, crossing her arms. “I’ll pay you double.”

“That’s not really how it works,” Sasha said. “But, if that’s what you’re looking for, I can give you the number of some very high-class prostitutes.”

Bianca snorted out a laugh, amused in spite of her wretched mood.

“Look...you’ve made real progress, Bianca, and you should be proud of that. But, I’m not sure that you’ve been able to apply that progress to your relationship yet. _Yet._ The good news is, it’s not too late. It just requires you being honest with her.”

“Do I have to?”

Sasha shook her head.

“Of course not. Personal growth is optional.”

“I think I’ve had enough growth already this year. I need a break,” Bianca said.

“If you say so.”

“I know why she’s mad. So, I’ll just apologize and then we can move on.”

“If you feel that’s best,” said Sasha, going back to her notes.

Bianca narrowed her eyes.

“Apologizing is also personal growth, you know.”

Sasha nodded.

“Yeah, it sure is.”

“Can you stop agreeing with everything I say? It’s really fucking irritating!” Bianca said, throwing her hands up.

“Look, I don’t necessarily think that avoiding your feelings is the best strategy here. But I do think that apologizing and trying to support her is a step in the right direction. So...”

“So...I’m not hopeless?”

“Far from it.”

***

Bianca sat on the sofa in the recording studio, shivering a little despite the sunny, 80-degree weather outside.

She hadn’t stopped at the hotel, just come straight to the studio from the airport, thinking of nothing but getting Courtney back into her arms. It had been two weeks since they’d said goodbye in New York, Bianca showing up the night before she left to apologize, to explain that she’d been acting out from fear. And Courtney had admitted that she was afraid too, constantly worrying that the slightest little slip-up was going to make the whole thing go away.

_“What if they decide that this direction isn’t really what they want? What if they get pressure from conservative groups to back down? What if they change their minds and go with a more experienced actress? What if-”_

And so Bianca had kissed away her doubts, her insecurities. Had promised to be there, to support her, to cheer her on. Assured her that she’d be amazing. And that was that. All was forgiven, all was right again. She’d booked her first flight to LA that same night, and now here she was.

An intern from the record company handed Bianca a cup of coffee and she took a sip, trying not to be irritated by the fact that Courtney had barely acknowledged her presence since she’d arrived. Besides a quick, excited wave from behind the glass when she’d first walked in, there’d been nothing. She continued to finish the verse she was working on, the producer instructing her. Bianca knew that Courtney was working, but even still...was she really not able to stop for two minutes? Was she playing games?

Sighing a little, Bianca pulled her jacket tighter around herself. Why were these places always so fucking freezing?

“B!”

Bianca was shaken out of her thoughts by a door swinging open, Courtney flying into her arms, covering her face with kisses.

The unease in Bianca’s stomach settled as Courtney lavished her with affection, exclaiming between kisses over how happy she was, how beautiful Bianca looked, how she couldn’t wait to get her alone.

Bianca swallowed her previous doubts, feeling almost silly about her self-consciousness now.

“Do you wanna hear the song?! I mean, so far?” Courtney’s eyes shone, bouncing a little in Bianca’s lap.

Pressing a kiss to her flushed, pink cheek, Bianca nodded.

“Of course, baby.”

Bianca held her tight, reveling in her scent, while the producer played a portion of the song, an energetic power ballad with some killer vocals. Courtney’s head dropped to her shoulder, nuzzling into her neck.

“It’s beautiful,” Bianca said, holding her tighter. “And so are you…”

Courtney smiled.

“I missed you so much, B.”

“Yeah, me too.”

***

In spite of the congenial atmosphere, and the generously flowing alcohol, and Courtney’s fingers laced with hers, Bianca felt out of her element at the party that night.

She wasn’t used to being in the shadows. To people asking “so what do you do?” She was Bianca Del Fucking Rio. How in the world had these LA lesbians not at least heard of her? Although, by the look of them, they weren’t terribly interested in fashion or beauty, Bianca reasoned, cackling inwardly in spite of her gloom.

She felt a small bit of relief when they ran into Shea Coulee, a freelance journalist that she’d hired more than once before. Her relief soon faded into annoyance when Shea just wouldn’t stop gushing about how amazing Courtney was.

“I mean, first she conquers the pop scene and now Disney? It’s fucking unbelievable!”

“Yeah, it’s-“

“I mean, a gay Disney Princess! I really honestly didn’t think I’d live to see the day.” She shook her head, lifting her glass in a toast.

Courtney laughed, wrapping an arm around Bianca’s waist and snuggling closer.

“Shea, come on, we haven’t even filmed anything yet. Let’s not count the lesbian chickens before they hatch.”

“Omigod, stop! It’s going to be perfect and I won’t believe anything else!” She turned to Bianca. “Are you just so proud?”

“So proud,” Bianca echoed, glancing over at Courtney, who beamed beside her, absorbing even this faint praise like a sunflower.

Bianca felt like an asshole, because she could see how happy Courtney was, how she was thriving in this world. And all she wanted was to find some cracks in the façade. Places she could fill in, slip inside, repair.

There’d been a time when Courtney lived and breathed Bianca. When every part of her energy was focused on Bianca, and Bianca hated to admit, even to herself, how much she missed it.

She grit her teeth and smiled and nodded through the rest of the party. She was, frankly, a little peeved that Courtney even wanted to waste their limited time together in a group of people to whom Bianca had no connection. She would have preferred to remain in their hotel room, head between Courtney’s legs, making her moan all night.

The last straw came when she emerged from the restroom to find Courtney nowhere in sight, only to finally spot her outside by the pool. She was surrounded by a group of women, talking animatedly about something, hands gesturing wildly, clearly the belle of the ball. Everyone was laughing along, and the whole thing made Bianca feel absolutely sick.

Courtney caught Bianca’s eye in the doorway, beckoning her over, but Bianca shook her head slightly, made a motion that Courtney should join her instead. Courtney excused herself from her present company and skipped over to Bianca.

“Hiii,” she cooed, wrapping her arms around Bianca’s neck. “Are you having fun?”

“Tons,” Bianca lied, spinning her around and pressing her to the wall, leaning in to graze her lips against Courtney’s neck.

“Wanna head out?” Courtney asked, voice tinged with desperation as her fingers dug into Bianca’s skin.

“Yes.”

***

Bianca tapped on her cup with a teaspoon, sighing a little while the phone rang. She’d woken up early, body apparently still on New York time, and crawled out of bed, leaving Courtney to sleep in a bit longer while she wandered restlessly around the hotel, finally sitting to have a cup of coffee in the rooftop cafe.

Even the memories of how last night ended didn’t settle her nerves. Courtney had pounced on her the second they’d gotten back to the room, pushing her onto the bed and licking her pussy like it was her last day on earth. Like she needed it to live. Normally, that would have lulled Bianca into a state of pure relaxation, but this morning, she found herself just as uncomfortable as she’s been at the recording studio.

When Jinkx finally answered, Bianca spoke in a low voice, paranoid for some reason about being overheard.

“I’m in trouble,” she said quietly.

_“What’s going on-”_

“I know that I should be enjoying our time together, making the most of things, blah blah blah...but all I can think about is how I have to leave on Sunday, and how everything in her life here is so perfect, and where do I even fit it?”

 _“Um…”_ Jinkx paused, and Bianca thought that she was about to launch into some sappy, inspirational speech about soulmates and destiny. Instead, she chuckled and said, _“You’re so full of shit.”_

“Excuse me?!”

_“I just, do not buy for a second...this whole self-pity narrative that you’ve got going on.”_

“Okay, well, fuck you. I guess I’ll just keep my feelings to myself then-“

_“No, no, don’t even try that with me. I’m the queen of passive aggressive denial.”_

“No, you’re the queen of passing out in public,” Bianca contested.

 _“Deflection, good try. Listen to me...you are getting in your own way here. I know. I’ve done it,”_ Jinkx paused, then continued, _“But if you really want to make things work, you have to admit what’s really going on.”_

“And pray tell, what’s really going on? Since you apparently know everything.”

 _“Well. You don’t like it that Courtney isn’t totally dependent on you. That’s it. That’s the whole thing. You like it when people need you, and it makes you crazy when they don’t, because then they are only sticking around because of their own free will, and_ that _scares the shit out of you.”_

Bianca searched for something sarcastic to say in response and came up short.

_“Maybe you could trust her? Like one iota? Because if you don’t, if you keep making every interaction a test, then eventually she’s gonna fail.”_

Bianca put her cup down and gazed out over the city. Trying to absorb Jinkx’ words without getting distracted by the hideous mid-century architecture.

_“...B? Are you still there?”_

“Yeah. I’m here.”

_“Don’t fuck things up. Okay? Because you guys are really good together.”_


	15. Los Angeles. Late June.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Summary: Fucking and fighting. Not at the same time. 
> 
> (AKA Jilly please don’t be mad at me.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Rating: Explicit

“You know,” Courtney said, as Bianca turned on the shower. “There’s a pretty bad drought going on here.”

“Oh yeah?” They’d had a long, relaxing day strolling around Santa Monica and Venice beach, followed by a romantic, candlelit dinner looking out at the water while the sun set. During which Bianca had managed to quiet her anxiety and just enjoy herself. It was nice - probably the most uninterrupted quality time that they’d spent together in over six months. And now, Bianca was ready to rinse away that gritty, sandy feeling off her skin and rock Courtney’s world.

“Mmmhmmm…” Courtney sidled up to Bianca, gripping the collar of her fluffy bathrobe. “Wanna hear one of my water-saving ideas?”

Bianca laughed, dropping her robe and tugging Courtney into the shower with her. She stood under the stream of water, letting Courtney massage coconut shampoo into her scalp while she lathered up a pouf. The fresh smell of grapefruit and tangerine filled the steamy air.

“How come all of your shower products smell like food?” Bianca asked.

“So you’ll wanna eat me,” Courtney answered coyly, and Bianca cackled.

“I walked right into that one, didn’t I?” she asked, leaning in for a slow, wet kiss, arms wrapping around Courtney’s waist.

She allowed Courtney to tilt her head back, rinsing the shampoo, then spin her around, out of the spray, to apply a generous amount of conditioner.

“Is that good, B?”

“Everything you do is good.” Bianca said, hands sliding to her ass, sucking on her pulse point.

As Courtney let out a soft sigh, the feeling of her relaxing into Bianca’s arms filled Bianca with satisfaction. She moved her lips to Courtney’s ear, whispering hoarsely, “Turn around.”

Courtney obeyed without thinking, letting Bianca hold her in the pounding spray, shivering as fingers danced over her nipples, up and down her thighs.

Bianca’s tongue traced the delicate shell of Courtney’s ear, a hand easily parting her thighs. Courtney reached back, one of her arms wrapping around Bianca’s neck, arching back into her as fingers teased at her, ghosting over her clit.

“B, please…”

“Please what, baby?”

Courtney pressed Bianca’s fingers against her, whimpering.

“Please fuck me…”

“Right here? Aren’t you worried about wasting water?” Bianca taunted, feeling Courtney's knees go weak as she pressed a thumb against her swollen clit.

Courtney turned around, pulling Bianca against her, bracing her back against the tile wall. Bianca flexed her thigh up against her, cupped her tits gently, watching Courtney’s eyes roll back.

She arched into Bianca’s thigh, grinding against her, panting, the steam and heat getting to her head and making her pleasantly dizzy, as if the buzz from dinner hadn’t worn off yet.

“Baby?” Bianca cupped her chin, tilting her head back up from where it had dropped against her shoulder. “Are you okay?”

“Uh huh…” Courtney dug her fingers into Bianca’s shoulders.

Courtney's eyes fell closed as Bianca found her way back to her core, rubbing in gentle circles, waiting until she was dripping wet to slide two fingers inside her. Courtney moaned, hips jerking forward, trying to get Bianca to speed up, to fuck her harder, to relieve the pressure building up in her abdomen.

“Please…”

This one was desperate, a prayer, breath hitching as Bianca took pity on her, mouth covering hers, swallowing up her broken moans as she fell apart.

It never ceased to surprise Courtney, every time, how Bianca could send her soaring over the edge of the cliff, make her see stars, empty her lungs of oxygen until she was weak and dizzy. But even more than that, what always amazed her was how she was always there to catch her, to hold her, to breathe life back into her when she felt like she could slide to the ground in a puddle.

Bianca’s hips braced her against the wall, her arms held her up, and her whispered words put her back together even before she comprehended what she was hearing. She swallowed, still catching her breath.

These were the moments Bianca lived for. Those moments when Courtney was so soft, so vulnerable. When Bianca knew that she was _needed_. Bianca scooped her up, carrying her out of the shower, wrapping a towel around her shoulders when she felt her shiver.

Once she sat on the bed, legs feeling a bit more solid, pulse slowing down, Courtney looked at Bianca with a curious grin.

“I think I forgot to rinse your hair,” she said, amused, reaching forward to twirl a lock of Bianca’s hair, still thick with conditioner, around her finger.

“I’ll do it,” Bianca replied, nuzzling her cheek. “But I wanted to make sure you were good first.”

“I’m better than good,” Courtney assured her, giggling. “I’m _fantastic_.”

Once Bianca’s hair was rinsed, and both of them in clean, dry pajamas, they snuggled up in bed together, Courtney’s head on Bianca’s chest, Kylie curled at their feet.

“Still worried about how we’ll survive the long distance?” Courtney asked softly.

“Not exactly,” Bianca chuckled, fingers carding through her hair.

“I told you that reunions would be fun,” Courtney giggled, a hand creeping up inside Bianca’s shirt.

“You did…” A smile tugged at Bianca’s lips as Courtney rolled over on top of her.

“I think this is even better than seeing each other a few times a week back in New York,” Courtney said. “Because now, I have your undivided attention for a whole weekend…”

Bianca cradled Courtney’s face in her hands.

“You sure do…”

Courtney closed her eyes as Bianca kissed her.

“So...you see, it wouldn’t be so bad if I lived here part-time, right?”

“If you _what?!_ ” Bianca sat up, causing Courtney to slide off of her.

“Well, Latrice has been getting all kinds of offers for jobs after Glimmer finishes, and so I’ll probably have to live in LA part-time.”

Bianca glared at her, open-mouthed, for several moments. Had she just blithely thrown out a cross-country move as if it were no big deal? Blood boiling, Bianca took a deep breath, trying to keep her voice even as she replied.

“No.”

“What do you mean ‘no’?” Courtney asked, one eyebrow shooting up.

“I mean,” Bianca said slowly, “that you are not going to live in LA.”

“I’m-”

“Because _I’m_ not going to live in LA. So, no. I’m vetoing this plan-”

“Okay, I think you’re blowing this out of proportion,” Courtney said, still trying to reason with her. “Just when I’m working-”

“No. I don’t think you’re listening to me, Courtney. I’m telling you that this is out of the _fucking question!_ No!”

“Excuse me, who the fuck do you think you are?” Courtney shot back, finally starting to get angry. Why couldn’t Bianca ever just listen first and react later?

“Who do I think I am? I’m the person who is turning their goddamn life upside to cater to every little whim you have!” Bianca exploded. She’d been calling upon inhuman strength to keep all of this frustration inside, but now, there was no turning back. Sasha’s constant urging to _talk, share, communicate,_ flashed through her head. Well, fine. She could do that. She could communicate her fucking brains out.

“What are you _talking_ about-”

“Are you fucking kidding me? First of all, I’ve spent hours and hours of my life with a shrink! Do you know what that’s like? Digging into every shitty, painful thing that’s ever happened to me? It’s the fucking worst, but I did it for you!”

“You said that you wanted to-”

“Do you think it’s fun for me, flying across the country just to see you? Sucking it up, forgetting everything _I_ want, everything _I_ need, to grovel at your feet? Put up with this new life you have, do every little thing you ask, and for what? For a part-time relationship? For two weekends a month? You think that’s enough for me?!”

“I thought that we could-”

“And now, you’re telling me that there’s no end in sight? Even after your fucking endless movie is done shooting?”

Bianca stopped, panting, and looked at Courtney, who was utterly taken aback, tears in her eyes.

“I don’t know what to-” her breath hitched. “I thought we were doing well.”

Guilt flooded through Bianca’s chest, seeing how stricken and defeated Courtney looked, eyes downcast, tears starting to fall, and that made her even angrier. Did she really not know, how hard Bianca was trying? How difficult this had all been?

“So you think this has all been sunshine and lollipops for me? Are you really that fucking clueless?”

Courtney’s head snapped up.

“Fuck you, Bianca! How the fuck would I know, when you’ve never said _shit?!_ I ask you 50 times a day if you’re happy, and apparently you’ve been lying to me 50 times a day. So forgive me for trusting you to tell the truth like a goddamn grownup! No wonder you can’t date people your own age!”

Bianca narrowed her eyes at Courtney, blood boiling with self-righteous rage. How _dare_ she throw that in Bianca’s face, when she was all too happy to accept everything Bianca had to offer.

“Listen to me, you self-involved little cun-”

“I dare you to finish that sentence,” Courtney growled.

Bianca glared back at her, chest rising and falling rapidly, and Courtney just shook her head.

“And...self-involved? Are you kidding me?! Look in the fucking mirror, Bianca!” Courtney wiped the tears away with the back of her hand, voice growing hoarse. “Only you would think of basic compromise as sacrifice worthy of sainthood!”

“Basic compromise?! That’s what you call this?”

“Yes. Yes!” Courtney cried. “You claim to be happy for me, to want to support me, but you really don’t, do you? You were so much happier when my career was an adorable part-time hobby. You want me to be back in your apartment, willing and available to you whenever _your_ schedule allows-”

“What’s wrong with wanting to be together?!”

“Because everything was always about you! You were calling every shot, deciding what we did and who we saw, controlling everything, yelling at me when I said the wrong thing, and I...I can’t live like that! Nobody would be able to live like that! I felt like a fucking _pet!_ ”

Bianca stared at her, tears streaming down her face, eyes red, and for the first time, felt the tears on her own cheeks. She’d been so focused on anger that she hadn’t even realized how emotional she was getting.

Her voice broke as she tried, one more desperate time, to get through to Courtney.

“But I...I can’t just have you halfway...Okay? So please. Just say you’ll forget about this moving-to-LA _bullshit_ , because I can’t.”

“B…” There was an edge to her voice, and it made Bianca’s heart pound. “I thought we were past this. I don’t know what to tell you right now. I need to do what’s best for my career, and that might be-”

“But you don’t. I mean, not really. I can take care of you. We can go back to how it used to be-”

Courtney scoffed, looking up at the ceiling, before responding in a trembling voice.

“You don’t listen to a word I say, do you?” She lowered her head, leveling her gaze back at Bianca, tears now coursing faster down her cheeks. “I _hated_ how it used to be. I thought you understood that. It was supposed to be temporary, to help me get on my feet, but then...I got on my feet, and literally nothing changed.”

“Baby-”

“Don’t fucking call me that right now! I’m not your _child!_ ”

Bianca reeled back like she’d been struck.

“Bianca…” Courtney let out a strangled sob. “I _love_ you. But I am not going to be less than what I am, to make you love me back.”

“Is that really what you think I want? For you to be less than you are?”

Courtney sniffled. She used to feel so unworthy - just some generic blonde who Bianca had rescued off the street. Like she’d never be smart enough, successful enough, sophisticated enough, ambitious enough, to match Bianca. But now, when she was finally starting to feel confident, proud of what she’d done, now it seemed like that those days, when she was miserable and lost, were the ones Bianca wanted back.

“I want you to want me. _Me_. Not just some helpless baby that I used to be.”

Bianca looked away.

“But...you don’t, do you?” She took a shaky breath, not wanting to believe that it was true.

“I want what we had,” Bianca admitted hoarsely.

Courtney closed her eyes, chest heaving with sobs. This was it. This was her worst nightmare. In that moment, it felt like Bianca taking back every “I love you,” every kiss, every touch. She felt like she was collapsing, ripping apart at the seams.

“I’m sorry.” Bianca swallowed, listening to the heart-wrenching sounds of Courtney weeping beside her. Knowing that this time, she couldn’t fix it. She was still angry - at Courtney, at herself, at the entire fucking mess. And tired. So tired, in fact, that she felt her anger slipping away, only hopelessness remaining.

Bianca reached out a hand, tentatively touching her on the shoulder, and Courtney crumbled, falling into her arms. The second it happened, the second she felt how her heart soared at finally feeling _useful_ again, she knew.

What they had was so beautiful - perfect, even, for a little while. But now, it was in pieces, and Bianca couldn’t figure out any way to put those pieces back together. She held Courtney while she cried, rocking her, wishing that she could have done a better job protecting her from this pain.

***

Bianca woke with a sharp pain in her neck. They’d fallen asleep tangled together, both exhausted, clinging to each other in a last desperate attempt to hold on. She began to extricate herself from Courtney’s death grip, causing her to stir and let out a pitiful whimper.

Walking to her suitcase, open on the dresser, Bianca began to stuff her things inside.

“What are you doing?” Courtney’s voice was raspy from all the yelling and crying, eyes still rimmed with red.

“I’m packing,” Bianca sighed tiredly.

It was going to be a long fucking day. Her flight wasn’t for hours, but the idea of staying in this room, wallowing in misery, sounded like a recipe for disaster.

“I think it’s best if I head out,” Bianca said, and Courtney just nodded, cradling Kylie in her arms.

Bianca moved quickly, trying not to postpone the inevitable, finishing in the bathroom in record time and coming out dressed for the plane, tossing her toiletries bag into the suitcase and zipping it closed. She turned back to Courtney, whose eyes were dark and liquid.

She walked slowly to the bed, embracing Courtney one more time, cheek pressed to the top of her head. Courtney’s arms were tight around her waist, voice muffled against her as she begged, “Don’t go…”

Bianca felt her heart break, once again, as tears from Courtney’s eyes wet the front of her shirt.

“Baby-” Bianca’s breath hitched and she closed her eyes.

“I lied,” Courtney said. “I can’t-I can’t do it without you. Any of it. Please, I need you…”

Bianca swallowed, cupping her face, whispering, “No, you didn’t. You don’t. And that’s the problem.”

She bent down, pressed a gentle kiss to her lips, and then stood back up, not moving until Courtney released her.

With a deep breath, Bianca retrieved her suitcase and headed for the door. She turned back once more, giving an anticlimactic little wave that felt as hollow as her chest.

“Goodbye, Courtney.”

“Bye,” Courtney choked out. Bianca shut the door behind her, gently, and Courtney fell back onto the bed like a marionette whose strings had been cut. Kylie laid down on the pillow, licking the tears still leaking from her eyes. 


	16. New York / Los Angeles. Summer.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The chips fall, with Bianca and Courtney both dealing with the aftermath of their breakup. Luckily, their friends are there to support them and help them move on.

The dull chatter of garbage television played in the background as Bianca lay on her couch, emotionally and physically drained. Her phone began to buzz on the coffee table and she glanced at the name, sighing deeply.

Bianca turned her phone over, in no mood to speak to Raja. Jinkx had already tried her twice, and Adore was messaging her constantly, even Juju had reached out, which officially meant she had hit some kind of rock bottom when the woman with four fucking kids took time out of her schedule. Why didn’t anyone understand, that all she wanted right now was to be left _alone_?

She turned to face the back of the couch, pulling the blanket up over her head. Later. She’d deal with her meddling friends and dramatic sister later.

***

Courtney sat at the large conference table, drumming her fingers nervously on the glass of water in front of her. The last few weeks had been absolute hell. By sheer force of will, she’d managed to drag her ass into the studio every day, pouring her heart and soul into the music, before going back to the hotel to cry herself to sleep every night, tossing restlessly.

“So listen, guys, we’re not gonna beat around the bush here.”

Courtney looked up. One of many VPs from the record label had called her and her producers in for a meeting. She was bracing herself for the horrific news she’s been expecting ever since she’d first gotten signed.

_They were going another way._

_She wasn’t good enough._

_Her first album was a fluke._

_Oh and Disney was probably gonna drop her too._

_Her screen tests were shit, so they decided to go with someone more experienced. Maybe that sweet Farrah? She was so lovable on that sitcom…_

Biting down so hard on her lip that she tasted blood, Courtney waited with bated breath for him to deliver the sucker punch.

“This recent stuff is...uh, not what we were expecting.”

Courtney gulped. She could have predicted that. Ever since Bianca left, everything she’d written was dark and morose. She’d been trying, so hard, to get back into the pop mindset, but it had been nearly impossible.

“Don’t get me wrong. We loved the first 3 demos. Fun, catchy, great start. But the last couple...you do realize that Disney is footing half the bill here, right? They want an album that they can use to promote their movie. And these songs are not...uh...Disney’s cup of tea.”

Courtney nodded, looking down. Here it comes. She’s a fraud, an imposter. She’ll never be anything…

“So, we think you need a little break. Change of scenery. We’re gonna send you to Palm Springs for the rest of the week. Have some spa time, relax, have fun, get on the dance floor, whatever. Then, come back and give us some song of the summer bangers. Alright?”

Courtney blinked up at his grinning face. A trip to Palm Springs? What was the catch? She barely heard the rest of the meeting, brain so addled with sleep-deprived confusion.

It didn’t feel real until Simon, her favorite producer, put his arm around her and declared that he was gonna show her “the gayest time ever” in Palm Springs. She had to laugh a little. Knowing her brother, what the boys considered gay and what she considered gay didn’t frequently overlap.

“Actually gay, or like…’It’s Raining Men’ gay?” Courtney asked, one eyebrow raised.

“Oh ye of little faith!” he laughed, adding, “Trust me, I know some girls too.”

Courtney took a deep breath, looking out the window into the California sunshine. Did she deserve this? She still wasn’t sure, but she was more determined than ever to prove herself worthy.

***

Bianca sat on Sasha’s sofa, arms crossed, glowering. She’d canceled her last three sessions, to angry to even think about it, but now, she was back, and she already regretted it.

“I’m not gonna _make_ you talk about it,” Sasha said.

“Oh really? Because I seem to recall you very adamantly arguing that I should open up, dialogue, fucking communicate, and look where that got me!”

“Where did it get you?”

“You fucking know where it got me.”

“Bianca-”

“Actually,” Bianca cut in, letting out a dry chuckle. “This is a fantastic business model you’ve got going. You sabotage relationships, and then you make more money when people get depressed and lonely.”

“...are you depressed and lonely?”

“Shut up.” Bianca put her head into her hands.

“Let me ask you this...do you think that anything you did or said would have changed the outcome?”

“I dunno,” Bianca replied, crossing her arms.

“Because, you know, if you have regrets, you can always tell her,” Sasha said. "She's not dead."

“There’s nothing to tell. She’s...she’s gone. I told you that she’d fucking move to Los Angeles.”

“Mmhmm, and how does that make you feel?”

“Can you say something helpful?” Bianca snapped.

“...what kind of thing would be helpful?”

“Ugh, I fucking hate you!” exclaimed Bianca, throwing up her hands.

Sasha made a note on her pad.

“What did you write? WHAT DID YOU JUST WRITE DOWN?” Bianca's hands were clenched into fists, her knuckles white, red creeping into her cheeks.

“I wrote down that you’re still processing,” Sasha said. “And it’s caused you to regress a little bit, which is expected, and okay.”

“Whatever,” Bianca grumbled, flopping down against the pillows.

“How have you been dealing with everything? Are you getting support from the people in your life?” Sasha asked, effectively ignoring Bianca’s defensive attitude.

“I mean, yeah.” Bianca scoffed. “Too much support. My sister, my friends. They’re totally smothering me with love and affection and it’s been exhausting.”

“Are you actually feeling overwhelmed, or is this just another way to keep people at arm’s length and avoid dealing with your emotions?”

“Oh, look at her go. Asking the deep questions today.”

Sasha raised an eyebrow. “...And?”

“Well…” Bianca sighed. “I don’t know. Maybe both. It’s not like I don’t want to see my friends, it’s just that sometimes they can be so much, you know? They want everything solved right away, but that’s not how it works. Especially Fame, she always wants to fix everything.”

“How’s that manifesting?” Sasha asked.

“Um...well, she…” Bianca thought for a moment, trying to remember the last time she spoke to Fame. She scratched her head. “Actually, she’s being pretty chill. She might be the one person giving me space.” Bianca frowned. “That’s weird.”

“You say that you want space, but you seem distressed. Tell me what’s going on.”

“I...I don’t know, it’s just unlike her. I mean, she’s always been the one who rushes over every time I’m sick or angry or depressed or whatever. She’s...um...maybe she’s just been busy.”

“Or maybe she knows you need some time to process?” Sasha offered.

“Yeah...maybe,” Bianca agreed, trying to shake the uneasiness in her stomach. Had she pissed Fame off? That was the last thing she needed right now. Maybe she should call her. “Ugh, whatever…”

***

Courtney sat on the sofa, trying her absolute hardest to get through the Real Housewives Reunion taping without having a breakdown. But when the part she’d been dreading happened - being forced to watch scenes from her breakup with Bianca - scenes that she still hadn’t seen, having avoided those episodes entirely, her whole body tensed up.

“Alright,” Andy said, turning to her. “Courtney…”

“Yes?”

“Where do you stand with Bianca now?”

“Um…” Courtney swallowed. She knew that this was coming. And she should have been more prepared, but suddenly every diplomatic comment she’d constructed ahead of time flew out of her head as eyes blurred with tears. “It’s a mess, to be honest. We...we tried again, a few months later, but we just couldn’t-” she took a shaky breath, gratefully accepting the tissue that Bethenny handed over silently.

“It really seemed like you loved each other,” Andy prodded, and Bethenny rolled her eyes.

“Yeah, we did.” Courtney dabbed at her eyes with the tissue, trying not to destroy her makeup.

“So...do you think that you might try again in the future?”

“I don’t know. Maybe. I don’t-” Courtney’s breath hitched, and suddenly a tear was slipping down her cheek. _Fuck. T_ his was the last thing she wanted. To look like a helpless baby on national television.

“So all isn’t lost, then?”

“Andy, for shit’s sake, can you leave her alone?” asked Bethenny.

“I agree,” Ramona said. “Enough already. I’m bored.”

“It’s like _torture_ ,” Bethenny added.

“Our viewers want to know if there’s any chance-”

“Okay, then, sure! There’s a chance,” said Bethenny. “And there’s a chance that I’ll give up on men and hit on her myself. Or if you give Sonja enough champagne, she might try too.”

“I’ll do it sober!” Sonja called back.

“Count me in, too,” said Carole, putting a hand on Courtney’s shoulder.

At this, Courtney couldn’t help but laugh, feeling grateful to the other women. They weren’t perfect, but they tried. And in their own weird little way, made her feel less alone.

“Alright, switching gears…” Andy acquiesced, finally giving up.

Courtney took a deep breath.

“We hear that you’re about to embark on a very exciting career!” Andy gave a bright smile.

“Yeah, I’m…” Courtney felt a surge of pride, finally able to talk openly about her movie. “I just recorded my second album, and in a few weeks, I’m going to Europe to shoot a movie for Disney.”

“That you’re starring in…”

“That I’m starring in.” Courtney bit her lip, the words sounding foreign on her tongue, but incredibly exciting nonetheless. A smile cracked through her face, showing the full scope of her excitement and joy. “I can’t really say too much about the plot, but I absolutely love my costars, they are so amazing! I really am so lucky, I keep trying to pinch myself awake…”

***

Bianca walked to the sofa, wine glass in hand, happy that she’d agreed to come. Juju and Detox were having a summer barbeque get-together, and at first, she’d said no, but after thinking about it for a few days, realized that spending some time with her friends might be a good idea.

It had been a nice day so far, and Bianca could finally see the clouds parting, some sun filtering in.

She settled into the sofa, asking Raja to catch her up on the conversation.

“Oh, uh...I was just giving Kelly some advice,” Raja said.

Raven snickered into her ginger ale, and Bianca cocked her head suspiciously.

“What kind of advice?”

“Uh...you know...general...romantic…”

“No,” Kelly said, turning Bianca with the full intention of selling Raja out. “What she said was that now that I’m 18 and you’re single, I better watch out.”

“You little rat!” Raja cried.

“Nice, Raj. Thank you.” Bianca raised her glass in Raja’s direction.

“I defended you though, B!” Kelly insisted. “I told them that I’m not blonde or poor, so I’m pretty sure I’m safe.” She smiled, lashes batting innocently, while Raven howled with unrestrained laughter.

“Bitch has got your number!” she said.

Bianca glared at Kelly, taking a sip of her wine, and then said, “I make exceptions.”

“Bianca!” Juju admonished, as Kelly scooted farther away on the sofa.

“Eewww.”

“Relax. It was a joke,” Bianca replied, chuckling.

“Just, maybe don’t joke about fucking my daughter?” Juju requested, shifting Grace on her lap.

Bianca took another sip before nodding, a smirk crossing her lips.

“...fair.”

Later, Bianca caught up with Fame by the bar, nudging her playfully with her shoulder.

“Hey, blondie…” Bianca still wasn’t 100% sure where they stood. It was unlike Fame to go silent on her, but she didn’t seem angry, either. Maybe Sasha was right, and her friend was just giving her some much-needed space to figure things out.

“Hi.”

“Haven’t seen you much lately,” Bianca said. She couldn’t quite bring herself to say ‘I miss you.’ It felt too pathetically needy.

“Yeah, things have been busy at work. How are you doing?” Fame asked.

Bianca paused. She certainly did seem a bit distant, didn’t she? Was Bianca just imagining that? And 'busy at work'? Since when? Since when did Fame let work get in the way of their relationship? And why was Bianca so bothered? When had she turned into such an oversensitive little bitch?

“I’ve been better...but I’ve also been worse. You know.”

Fame laughed.

“Yeah. C’est la vie, eh?”

“Pretty much.” Bianca swallowed, looking down for a moment, caught off guard as Fame suddenly wrapped her arms around Bianca’s neck, hugging her tight.

Bianca felt Fame’s breath against her ear, her friend whispering. “I’m glad you’re better.”

Bianca held her close, nodding.

“Thanks, blondie. Maybe we can do lunch this week?”

“I’d love that.” Fame said, releasing her.

Bianca smiled as Fame cupped her cheeks, letting out a deep sigh. Better indeed.

***

“Wow…” Adore stepped into Courtney’s apartment, where the blonde was taping up some boxes and adding them to a growing stack.

“Hey!” Courtney jumped up and ran to her, throwing her arms around Adore’s neck.

“I feel like I should have brought reinforcements to help,” Adore said.

“You brought pizza, that’s good enough,” Courtney giggled, taking the boxes from her and setting them on the table. “And it’s mostly under control. How are you?”

“I’m good. I felt like a bit of an asshole ordering your vegan pizza, but luckily the guy understood when I said it was for my friend who lives in LA.”

“I don’t live there yet,” Courtney reminded her, flopping down onto the sofa, pulling Adore with her. “I can’t believe I’ve barely seen you all week.”

“Well, you’re a busy girl.”

“Yeah, but I’m never too busy for you.” Courtney took Adore’s hand and squeezed it.

“I know, boo.” Adore tucked a strand of hair behind Courtney’s ear. “Oh! Omigod, I have the most amazing news, I can’t believe I didn’t tell you yet!”

“What is it?!”

“Femslash just got booked at this amazing lesbian pride celebration festival thing in October in Ibiza.”

“Wait, seriously?! That’s only like an hour flight from Barcelona! I’ll be able to come see you!”

“I know!! And then I was thinking that I could come back with you and visit you on set. Maybe. It that’s allowed.” Adore flipped open the pizza boxes and began to put slices on some paper plates.

“Totally! Well...I think. I’ll ask.” Courtney grinned, reaching out to give Adore another big hug. “Oh my god, that would be amazing.”

Adore’s phone buzzed in her pocket and she pulled it out, glancing quickly at the screen before putting it face down on the table.

“Everything okay?” Courtney asked, looking at the inscrutable expression on Adore’s face as she accepted the pizza.

“Yeah. Um…” Adore chewed on her lip, weighing whether or not to get involved. “B says good luck...”

“Oh.” Courtney swallowed. After a moment, she added, “Tell her thanks.”

“You could tell her yourself?” Adore suggested gently, not wanting to push it. Off Courtney’s guilty expression, she added, “I told her the same thing.”

“Yeah. I mean...I don’t know if we’re ready yet, for…” She took a deep breath. “I would love to get to that point.”

Courtney had deliberately been very vague when she told Adore about the breakup. She didn’t want to put her in the middle again, for one thing, and for another, it was still painful even to talk about.

“That would be good…” Adore said, holding open her arm and encouraging her friend to curl up against her side, snuggling together like they always used to. “I can’t believe you’re leaving me.”

Courtney tilted her face up, inexplicable sadness passing through her for a moment as she shook her head.

“I’ll never leave you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That’s the last chapter for now, but there’s still going to be an epilogue to this story. But first, two other sequels are coming...and they’re fun! We hope you like them!

**Author's Note:**

> Let us know what you think! XOXO


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